The day we all feared has arrived. The monsters of the cereal aisle, who had been content menacing the breakfasts of children for decades, have finally realized they are stronger together. Count Chocula, Boo Berry, Frankenberry, Frute Brute, and Yummy Mummy have formed the Monster Cereal Avengers and god help us all.
The new General Mills cereal, aptly if unsurprisingly called Monster Mash, has been created to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the line of monster-centric cereals, which began with Count Chocula and Frankenberry back in 1971. While the company is being tight-lipped about the product—understandable, since it’s the one who put these monsters in touch with each other, and will be responsible for all who die at the monsters’ hands—the cereal packaging describes the contents as “Artificially Berry Flavored Frosted Cereal With Monster Marshmallows.”
Using my powers of investigative journalism, i.e. looking at pictures of cereal on Google Image search, I believe the cereal bits on the left and right are Boo Berry and Frankenberry, respectively, but other than the bat-shaped Count Chocula marshmallow (third from left) the rest stump me. What’s also stumping me is that all of these cereals, save Count Chocula, are either specifically or generically berry flavored. I truly don’t know how the addition of a tiny iota of chocolate marshmallows will mesh with everything else being berry, but maybe that’s the monstrous aspect of the cereal.
There’s no announced date that Monster Mash cereal will be available, but General Mills usually releases them seasonably around Halloween, and I don’t see why this would be any different. So you have about five months to make your peace with your god and tell your family goodbye. Or at least tell your teeth goodbye, because each mega-sugary spoonful of Monster Mash is probably going to give you a cavity.
[Via Bloody Disgusting]
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