Denny's new Hobbit 2-themed menu is sure to desolate your stomach

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Obesity rates among the denizens of Middle-Earth are on the rise. Hobbits, dwarves, orcs and even men are getting fatter, because instead of a sensible diet based on fruits, vegetables and Lembas bread, they're eating at Denny's, thanks to their new The Hobbit: The Desolation of Your Arteries Smaug-themed menu.

You may remember last year's offerings, but the restaurant's new assortment of Elevensies is nothing to be scoffed at (or eaten without antacids). Courtesy of HuffPo:

• Build Your Own Hobbit Slam: Try our three NEW Hobbit-inspired additions along with all of your regular Build Your Own Grand Slam favorites. Pick any FOUR items and experience Middle-earth your way. $6.59

• Bilbo's Breakfast Feast: A Slice of honey cake French toast drizzled with honey, two eggs scrambled with Cheddar cheese, fresh spinach and mushrooms, a hearty breakfast sausage and crispy hash browns. $7.99

• Smaug's Fire Burger: A hand-pressed beef patty seasoned with our 7-pepper blend. Served on a grilled Cheddar bun with our special X-sauce, Jalapeno Bottle Caps, melted Pepper Jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onions and pickles. $8.49

• Bowman's Brew Pumpkin Coffee: Enjoy a cup of BOLD Signature Diner Roast blended with flavors of pumpkin pie and cream. Topped with whipped cream and caramel sauce. $2.59

• Bard's Pumpkin Pie Milk Shake: We blend pumpkin pie with premium vanilla ice cream to create one incredibly thick, creamy milk shake. Topped with a dollop of whipped cream and caramel sauce. $3.79

• The Hobbit Hole Breakfast is priced at $6.99 and consists of two eggs fried right into the center of grilled Cheddar bun halves. Served with two slices of bacon and crispy hash browns with melted shredded Cheddar cheese and bacon.

• The Dwarves' Turkey & Dressing Dinner will set you back $8.99 and includes sliced turkey breast, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce and served with your choice of two sides and dinner bread.


HuffPo also says that the restaurant's Pecan and Pumpkin Pies will be renamed Elven Woodland Pies, because of course they will. All these foodstuffs will be available in Denny's nation-wide starting tomorrow; visit here to see all the meals, as well as the menus.

All I have to say is this: I love terrible food, but I would never eat anything called X-sauce. And I'd especially never eat it if Denny's made it.