Hey Once Upon A Time, why won't you let Mulan and Aurora be together?

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The winter finale of Once Upon A Time came and went with a sigh. The big reveals were things we kind of already knew and the rest was just filler. But the worst part was the writers came and shot the "Sleeping Warrior" shippers right in the knee. Take that, dreamers.


Spoilers ahead...

So The Queen of Hearts, who had a very cool habit of whispering into a giant funnel in Wonderland, is Cora. Also, the whole funnel thing was an act, and not a cool reveal about Regina stealing her voice or something vaguely Little Mermaidish. Captain Hook is sent to Wonderland to retrieve Cora for Regina, and in the usual Hook manner switches sides. Bing bang boom — that's how the two wound up together in Fairyland, blocked from the curse.

By the end of the rather pointless flashback, Emma and Snow jump into a portal back home to Storybrooke followed swiftly by Hook and Cora on their glorious pirate ship. Which, that part was awesome. But the rest was just same old Once Upon a Time stuff: Henry made terrible faces and was a jerk to Regina ("Let's all get dinner — LOL, not you Regina!"). Snow and Charming found each other and someone reminded us all that the only restaurant/bar in town is Granny's. THE END.

It was all just more of the same, but with one small fairy dust grain of hope glowing in the corner. For weeks we've been watching the chemistry between the Disney Princesses Mulan and Aurora grow. As we clapped our hands and whispered "make it so, make it so, make it so," and slowly ,the attraction grew. Or at least our projection of said attraction grew. And in this episode Mulan sets out to retrieve the heart of her beloved Aurora. Her heart. Mulan fights for Aurora's heart, puts it in her hands, and puts it back in Aurora's chest — but not before stating that this was her first time, or something. So at this point we know that the writers of Once know exactly what they're doing. And like Regina and Sheriff tight pants they held our grain of hope between their fingers and squeezed. Right after Mulan returns Aurora's heart, she asks "what's next?" Aurora responds with, "I know how we can save Philip?" WHO THE HELL IS PHILIP!?

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Every week we watch Snow and Charming feverishly mash faces into each other, like their front halves are on fire and the only way to put it out is with kiss tears. But one Princess kiss? No way.


Look I know who Philip is — but unless they're going to bring him back from Wraith death just to have both of the ladies walk away from him, then we don't need your stinking Philip.



Can't we have a single show without a big steaming pile of "progressivism" heaped on top?