Hey Tucker Carlson, We Have Some Guesses About What Happened to Your Hunter Biden Docs

Illustration for article titled Hey Tucker Carlson, We Have Some Guesses About What Happened to Your Hunter Biden Docs
Screenshot: Fox News Channel/Tucker Carlson Tonight (Other)

Fox News host Tucker Carlson devoted a segment of his show on Wednesday night to damning documents supposedly proving corruption by Democratic nominee Joe Biden—except they had mysteriously vanished in transit.

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“On Monday of this week, we received from a source a collection of confidential documents related to the Biden family,” Carlson told viewers. “We believe those documents are authentic, they’re real, and they’re damning.”

“We texted a producer in New York and we asked him to send those documents to us in LA,” Carlson went on. “He shipped those documents overnight to California with a large national carrier brand … But the Biden documents never arrived in Los Angeles. Tuesday morning we received word from the shipping company that our package had been opened and the contents were missing. The documents had disappeared.”

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Carlson went on to air his suspicion that something nefarious had happened—with the obvious implication that Biden, the Democrats, deep state government agents, the carrier, or some other unnamed entity had deliberately snatched the package to prevent it from destroying Biden’s chances in the 2020 election. The carrier (later revealed to be UPS) carried out an extensive search and claimed total ignorance as to what had happened, Carlson said.

“They searched the plane and the trucks that carried it, they went through the office in New York where our producer dropped that package off, they combed their entire cavernous sorting facility,” Carlson told viewers. “They used pictures of what we had sent so that searchers would know what to look for. They went far and beyond. But they found nothing, those documents have vanished. As of tonight, the company has no idea—and no working theory even—about what happened to this trove of materials, documents that are directly relevant to the presidential campaign.”

According to Salon staff writer Roger Sollenberger, Carlson told him via text message that Fox News had made copies of the documents and “The point is, someone’s reading our texts.”

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It’s clear that Carlson, who is obviously a respected journalist and not, say, some kind of racist carnival barker known for fabricating stories and hiring white nationalists, is on to something.

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Something big and not to be laughed at, with multiple rewatches to laugh about it further. Something that will not just be a last-minute effort to manufacture disinformation before Nov. 3 and which will not conveniently never be mentioned by him again after. Something that UPS is trying to cover up: The shipping company told the Daily Beast on Thursday it had located the mysterious package and was arranging to return to Carlson as soon as possible.

Obviously, the documents were indeed stolen, and the ones UPS supposedly found are duplicates maliciously modified to remove the incriminating Biden material and discredit Carlson. That is Occam’s Razor. We’d like to help Carlson hunt for the real documents, and we have some leads he might want to investigate:

Tucker’s producer was paid off

After alerting Tucker to the existence of the Biden documents, the unnamed Fox News producer could have been approached at a bar by a man with a comically large briefcase filled with cash.

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Tucker should fire all his staff, just in case.

Antifa did it

Few people know this, but A.N.T.I.F.A. actually stands for “Ambushing News That Is Flying At-this-time.”

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UPS, FedEx, and/or DHL (I guess) could be a front for the Democratic National Committee

Think about it, people. The Democrat Party relies on “elections” to steal power from Donald Trump.

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If you were planning to win one of these so-called “elections”—perhaps with mail-in ballots—then you would do everything possible to control the flow of information and keep the people sedated in left-wing bliss. It makes logical sense that the DNC would raise billions of dollars to secretly take over UPS, FedEx, and DHL with a series of front companies without anyone knowing about it, including UPS, FedEx, and DHL. Then, when Tucker’s producer searched for “UPS store location,” agents at Google intercepted the query and told UPS when and where the package would be handed off. This all makes perfect sense.

An elite team of CIA paramilitaries parajumped onto the plane, killed the crew, wore their uniforms, and dumped the evidence

The CIA’s “Special Operations Group” is comprised of career operators from elite special forces, such as the U.S. Navy SEALs, or that guy who puts fluoride in the U.S. water supply. It’s not a stretch of the imagination to suggest they have the capability to fly black helicopters a few thousand feet above the exact flight path of a cargo jet and have a group of troops conduct a HALO (high-altitude military parachuting) jump, timed exactly so they crash through the windows like a raid.

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They then could easily have murdered the flight crew using subsonic ammunition, disposed of the bodies and incriminating Biden documents over a body of water, disguised themselves in air carrier uniforms, and simply walked off the plane at the end of the flight. Mission accomplished.

Alternately, the liberal FAA had another plane drag off the original one with giant magnets

The Department of Transportation is already suspected of involvement in the conspiracy to create the “North American Union,” a superstate consisting of Canada, Mexico, and the U.S., using superhighways. The Federal Aviation Administration is an agency under that agency. The FAA is the deep state.

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Anyhow, one can surmise that the FAA’s contacts at the National Security Agency could very well have passed on news of the package delivery. That would have given the FAA time to attach giant magnets to a C-17 military cargo jet and use it to subtly drag the plane containing the Biden package off course. The pilots would be none the wiser. If done correctly, the FAA could trick them into landing at a fake airport that looks exactly like the original destination. The FAA’s Transportation Security Agency plants could then intercept the documents in the name of “national security.”

The NSA had an agent hanging off a pipe on the ceiling lean down and steal the documents from the envelope while the Fox News producer’s back was turned and right before he sealed it

See below:

Illustration for article titled Hey Tucker Carlson, We Have Some Guesses About What Happened to Your Hunter Biden Docs
Graphic: Ubisoft/Splinter Cell box art
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The plane flew into a polar vortex

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency could have colluded to use the High-Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, which controls the weather, to create a polar vortex. The resulting changes in airflow and pressure could then be carefully manipulated by NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory technicians with satellites to rip open Tucker’s package, after which the documents would fall out at some point. Don’t rule it out.

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The package was simply delayed, damaged, or lost in transit, and likely never contained anything credible in the first place. Tucker conspired to blame an imaginary group of Illuminati plotters as part of a desperate effort to conjure an October surprise.

Pfft. Can you imagine how many people at Tucker Carlson’s show would have had to participate in such a conspiracy? We’re talking writers, researchers, segment producers. Wouldn’t one of them have leaked something about it to the media? Why is there no evidence that such routine mail delivery errors ever happen to liberals?

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You can buy this theory if you want, sheeple.

"... An upperclassman who had been researching terrorist groups online." - Washington Post

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DISCUSSION

MisterSterling
Mister Sterling

Which raises the question, why doesn’t Carlson just straight-up lie and make shit up? Sure, we have defamation laws, but Biden is busy winning a campaign. Just lie, and ride this lies, kids. It’s like the White House backpedaling their claim that Trump defeated COVID-19. Go with it! Say he did! You have full clearance to straight up lie in this final week!