How to Get Behind Bars Safely
Going a route like check fraud, counterfeiting, or identify theft could place you in a Federal prison for several years - not such a bad place considering the options of wasting away alone and with no finances.

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You could even go on an adventure and steal a major piece of art from a museum - everybody wants to go on a heist at some point in their lives, right? Federal prison sentences are often mandatory, removing the possibility of parole and keeping you on the inside for several years.

A retirement or assisted living home is certainly an improvement over living alone if you can't care for yourself. But when I am old, lacking family, friends, or finances, find me a seat in a Federal prison to live out the rest of my days. I'll be a good inmate, I promise. Or maybe I should become a part of the 5% of North America purchasing long term care insurance, which would help pay for a higher-end nursing home should I need one.

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The top image is a construction using images by Andrew Bardwell/CC and Etan J. Tal/CC. Additional image courtesy of FPC Alderson. Sources linked within the article.