Jesus Christ Makes Rare Public Appearance

Photos: William Turton/Gizmodo

Holy fucking shit. Mark Zuckerberg himself, the creator of Facebook and the fifth richest man in the world, just descended down to Earth to walk among us plebeians at the Facebook Developer Conference in San Jose. I was one of the mere mortals lucky enough to witness the power and strength of His Holiness as he gilded around the halls of the San Jose Convention Center, and let me tell you, it was amazing.


Followed by press people and some well dressed security staff, Zuck very quickly walked around some of the booths here at the conference, and met with some Facebook fans. Mark told an adoring worshipper: “Sorry, I can’t do selfies. If I did a selfie I’d be doing a selfie with everybody.”

While he walked around people ran up to Lord Zuck and humbly introduced themselves. The last time I saw Zuck’s security detail, in a court room in Dallas, Texas, they were dressed in all black, and they were much more rough. But today, there were fashionably dressed and much more calm. Instead of stiff-arming me like they did in Dallas, they politely asked me to move out of the way. That may be because of a great rumor I heard from a reliable source this morning: that Zuck’s security detail was asked to turn it down because they were way too aggressive.

I’m shaking
This person introduced himself to God: “Mark, I’m from Mexico”
This guy ran up and said: “Mark, I love Workplace!” (Facebook’s Slack competitor)
Peons experiencing His grace and warmth

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William Turton

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