Leave Steve Jobs Alone!

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We should all be ashamed of ourselves. Look what our insensitive prying into Steve Jobs' medical situation has done to this poor guy. He has freaked out and gone all Chris Crocker on us. We are awful, awful people—but we promise to change! Just don't dress up in women's clothing and dance around to iPod commercials. I don't think we could handle that. [Real Dan Lyons]