NASA: No, There Isn't a Deadly Asteroid Heading Right For Us

Illustration for article titled NASA: No, There Isn't a Deadly Asteroid Heading Right For Us

EXCLUSIVE: Could this asteroid destroy Earth in just SIX weeks? According to NASA, the answer is “absolutely not, you imbeciles.”

NASA issued an official statement about the conspiracy-web theory that an asteroid is heading for the Atlantic with an impact on September 23rd. “That’s the rumor that has gone viral–now here are the facts,” the agency writes. “There is no scientific basis–not one shred of evidence–that an asteroid or any other celestial object will impact Earth on those dates,” says the manager of NASA’s Near-Earth Object office, Paul Chodas.

Who could be perpetrating such rumors? The theory has actually been around for years, but it’s picked up steam over the past month or two. Unsurprisingly, a major role has been played by InfoWars, which has built a business out of circulating conspiracy theories about the government, impending apocalypse, and the shadowy machinations of world powers. “We are simply taking a look at what has being said,” says InfoWars’ John Bowne in a video about the forthcoming asteroid strike. Just a simple look! So what’s being said?

  • The reopening of CERN’s updated Large Hadron Collider. Its logo kind of looks like it says 666! And it may open a Ghostbuster-style “gate” to another world, probably one run by Zuul!
  • Jade Helm proves the US military is preparing! And Canada’s Maple Resolve.
  • Big box stores are closing left and right. Some say these abandoned stores are now being used by the military!
  • The “elite are gradually disappearing into their cities underground.”
  • Obama’s going to hang out with “the openly blatant cheerleader of The New World Order Pope Francis.”

Unfortunately, NASA’s denial won’t do much to convince anyone who believes this theory. “Of course NASA is denying this, but why would they tell us anything? They’re funded by our government,” says Bowne.

It’s pretty unbelievable that a federal agency has been forced to debunk this conspiracy theory, but there you have it: The power of, as NASA calls it in its statement, “the World Wide Web.”


Image: buradaki

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Maple Resolve sounds like the name of Canada’s jaeger from Pacific Rim.