Everybody remembers the “what is best in life” speech from the original Conan the Barbarian, but do you remember the “training in the East” sequence that comes before it? Where the enslaved Conan is stuck in a cage and “bred” with women? Where he swishes his sword around and grins like a complete maniac?
If you’ve forgotten the truly bugfuck awesomeness of the original movie, this little sequence will remind you. Note especially the voiceover by Mako, which is pure genius. Love the line, “Language and writing were made available.” What does that even mean? The entire movie is like this! Go back and rewatch it. It’s like Sesame Street crossed with Lucha Libre crossed with . . . I dunno, maybe Hong Kong action flick The Swordsman?
