Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a 'Big Tittie' Demon

Illustration for article titled Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a Big Tittie Demon
Screenshot: CD Projekt

Some are drawn to the dark mystic arts in a search for ultimate knowledge. Others, out of desire to impose their will on the world. Some folks, however, are just trying to get laid.

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Late last month, a lusty Redditor using the handle Tacodirtshield1 posed a simple question to Reddit’s r/occult community: What’s the best way to conjure a hot, sexy demon to have sex with?

“How do I summon a succubus,” Tacodirtshield1 asked the subreddit devoted to all things metaphysical. “I wanna fuck a hot demon. I don’t care if it kills me or takes my soul or whatever I wanna fuck a demon.”

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The thread, recently spotted by r/SubRedditDrama, quickly devolved from there as numerous internet mystics and magicians warned him in grave tones not to follow this dark, horny path.

“[Y]ou need to apply a dollop of good sense,” read a typical response from Jawn_Bartlebee. “Who told you or showed you that ‘fuck a demon’ was something good or pleasurable to pursue?”

Illustration for article titled Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a Big Tittie Demon
Screenshot: Reddit

“You’re the same dude who is intensely scared of the dark according to one of your other threads,” wrote another user. “WTF do you think you’re gonna do when you encounter a fucking succubus?”

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Tacodirtshield1, however, was undaunted. “Fuck the shit outta it dude, dark or not,” he replied.

Other r/occultists doubted that a novice magick user like Tacodirtshield1 could even accomplish such a task.

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“I’ve been doing magick for a decade now, and even I couldn’t give you a safe and effective method to invoke a succubus,” wrote FaeMagician. “Heck, you’d probably find it easier to find info on Invoking Lucifer himself, or assume an transcendental Egyptian Godform, than instructions on succubi/incubi. It’s really not so easy and really not reccomended.”

Let’s say I gave you some ritual to call a succubus and you did it perfectly,” they continued. “Unless you’re one of those people who has a natural psychic ability, you’d not feel anything much.”

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Still, Tacodirtshield1 was resolute, writing, “Well I don’t care about a safe method man just gimme the bootleg manual, I can pay the price.”

Illustration for article titled Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a Big Tittie Demon
Screenshot: Reddit
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Sixteen days later, some Reddit users are still weighing in on the question—and even offering tips.

“Try ritual blood magic,” suggested Afrotoast42 on Friday. “Be warned, it will get messy and you might end up insane. Oh yeah, and the place you do it will be forever tainted and possibly unliveable.”

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Perhaps the most practical advice, however, came from user TabooCare, who suggested “edging” for a few days until the succubus came in the form of a dream.

Illustration for article titled Reddit Magicians Are Fiercely Debating How to Summon a Big Tittie Demon
Screenshot: Reddit
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You can decide for yourself which posters in this thread are being sincere, but many of the responses seem deeply considered. And, weeks later, Tacodirtshield1 continues to reply to comments with a mix of skepticism and curiosity.

“I ain’t needy,” he wrote Friday afternoon. “I’m just tryna have some fun with demons bro.”

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DISCUSSION

Just hire a hooker and have her role play it. It will probably not even be in the top 25 of the weird requests she ever got.