As if the synchronized weeping and lachrymose snowstorms weren't enough, North Korean state news is now reporting that divinely anointed flocks of magpies have been flocking to a monument of Kim Jong-Il's father, Kim Il-sung. On December 18, a few dozen magpies landed near a memorial statue in Unsan county and just would not leave.


According to The Telegraph, "Locals claimed the magpies would not fly away even when the villagers approached them or shone torches into the trees." Omens, they shit on your car. If I ever get my own personality cult, I plan on penning a 40-chapter treatise on how rainbows are merely God's way of honoring my Pink Floyd LP collection.