The Mooch Has No Idea What He's Doing

Photo: AP
Photo: AP

On Wednesday, freshly divorced former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci, who has been teasing some sort of bizarre internet-based venture titled the Scaramucci Post for weeks, finally revealed what the damn thing is.


Unfortunately, we are no closer to understanding what sort of sauce the Mooch is simmering after his explanation than before.

In a video posted to Twitter, Scaramucci regaled viewers with a vision of, uh, something, with a huge emphasis on the italics. About the only thing clear from the video is that the former Donald Trump flack is under the impression he can sell himself as some sort of wise, apolitical centrist.

Other than that, it’s just the background noise of people talking and seemingly constructing the Scaramucci Post, though I’m not entirely convinced he’s not just playing stock sound effects on his iPhone.

“The Scaramucci Post is going to be a center lane in a two-lane highway,” the Mooch told viewers, perhaps referring to a ... traffic median? “The Scaramucci Post is going to be about moderation, but our tagline is gonna be everything in moderation, including moderation.”

“The Scaramucci Post is going to be about what is right and wrong in the society right now as opposed to what is left and right,” he continued.


“For us here at the Scaramucci Post, we sort of feel that the pendulum on the clock split and went two ways, and so one part of the pendulum is sitting way far on the right, and the other part of the pendulum is sitting way far on the left,” he continued to continue. “And it’s left an opportunity to be in the center lane, discussing with the American people what’s going on in the society and how we can make the society better.”

Also, the Scaramucci Post will involve data and arguments over fake news.

“So there’ll be data-dependent arguments about policy, there’ll be a rationalization of what’s going on in the media to help people decipher what is real news as opposed to what is news that, let’s call it fake,” he concluded. “... But what the Scaramucci Post is ultimately going to be is a world-class experience.”


So, uh, yeah. Scaramucci is building some kind of thing at the Lagrange Point between Vox and Trump Steaks. More will be announced at a launch party next week, which if nothing else is guaranteed to be lit.

Is this a completely and totally absurd idea in a media environment already choking to death on exactly the kind of vaguely intended content factory Scaramucci is apparently working on? Yes. Could it somehow succeed, because this is 2017 and reality is a sick joke? Yes. Are we mostly just happy the Mooch is keeping busy after all that’s happened to him in the past few months? Also yes.


Best of luck, Anthony. If all else fails, you’ll always have your tens of millions to fall back on.

"... An upperclassman who had been researching terrorist groups online." - Washington Post


Sir Eccles

Oh just ignore him maybe he’ll go away