Only the true king can wield the awesome power of Excalibur. Whether it's calculating, measuring, stapling or cutting—you have the right tool for the job in one ridiculous package. [Taylor Gifts via RGS via DVICE]
If you receive this as a gift, it's a key indicator that you suck. It's nice though that it has a calculator. This way the recipient can figure out how many times they will need to stab themselves with it to silence the voice in their head that keeps repeating, "You've settled."