From: Jason
To: Pervs
Hey pervs. You know what today is? Yeah, it's the lonelinest day of the year for you, when stuff like the five sexiest Apple videos remind you that you're still paying $19.99 a month to see those cam girls, news about rising cases of teen stalking with gadgets reminds you to check your day planner, a boobies mousepad reminds you of your ever worsening carpal tunnel, and a humping dog reminds you of your sad fate of eating Ramen alone while watching Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns on Spike.

Never fear! Lack of a significant other gives you plenty of time to pretend you're in Star Wars, play the best console ever, make fun of Google, learn CPR, and make fake online friends. After all, what else are you going to do? Bust out your VHS copies of Tron and Short Circuit? We didn't think so.

Love,
Everyone at Giz (because we're huge pervs too).

p.s. Go watch those sexy Apple videos again.