This is about as comical as product warnings in the US. For example the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch holds an annual Wacky Warning Label Contest.

Are these for real at all?

@nutrigm: These have been around for a while. One of the brightest, shiniest, rarest jewels of the internet.

I'm really offended by how they represent ninjas.

On the other hand, I'm very intrigued by the girl who is trying to produce pheromones by putting a humidifier on her....wait, am I actually admitting to being intrigued by a warning-label girl..?

Never mind, I'm just offended by how they represent ninjas.

well if i can't use it as a hand drum OR to measure my body weight, what CAN it do!?

also, why is japanese chess only involving one piece?! do the two players just move the same piece around the board? truly mind boggling. my mind is boggled. speaking of which, boggle was a better game than "japanese chess."

There are several errors. For example, they've reversed the captions for "acuarium" (sic) and "scapegoat".

Also, despite what they say, you can use a toaster for magic.

See all the stupid things Ninjas do? That's why Pirates RULE! ;-]

It can't be used as a trap?!? Then how in the hell am I supposed to get rid of all of these monkeys? Maybe I'll just use it for my family emblem... dammit!

@BigDanInTX: Yarrgh! Don't let LeSabre be hearin' that, matey.

He be a scurvy ninja-lovin' pajama-wearer who be sland'rin' buccaneers whenever he be feelin' like it. LeSabre be a particularly treach'rous ninja who not be keepin' t' th' Ninja Code which be sayin' that ninja be keepin' quiet at all times.

I prefer vikings, but I'm partial due to heritage and awesomeness.

These don't rank to the likes of Fight Club's in flight instruction manual.

This kind of reminds me of www.safenow.org, a site devoted to the obvious.

@gokor: Vikings. Interesting.

Certainly better than pirates.

Must think more on this.

BigDanInTX, that's how you can tell they are fake. And OMG!!! Ponies!!!, just remember that Buccaneers live in Tampa Bay. TAMPA BAY, Florida!!!

Really, how tough can anyone be if they list their residence as "The Tampa/St. Petersburg/Clearwater Metro Area"?

@92BuickLeSabre: First of all, as I've previously stated, zombie Viking robot kittens beat everything.

Second, pirates are also from Pittsburgh and, if the suits in LA are to be believed, internet piracy will kill the music and movie industries. Please note, no one is worried about internet ninjas - prolly because of all the stupid things ninjas do which warrant product warnings to protect them.

Pirates are WAAAAAAY cooler than ninjas because pirates don't need to read the manual.

Ohferfuxxakes.

Is there nowhere on the internet that won't degenerate into ninja/pirate/zombie/vampire/viking fetishization? Is the slow destruction of Facebook not enough for you losers?

I mean, I know it's just a discussion board and no one's being forced to read any of this, but come on! Must every conversation degenerate into an argument over the best Halloween costume for an 8-year-old?

(Sorry. I'm one seriously cranky middle-aged white guy today. I must be the only one who went back to work.)

@Lorne: There's nothing wrong with Viking fetishization. They're called valkyries and if they didn't exist, there would be no reason to buy AD&D manuals.

These drawings look very much like the work of Nitrozac. If she did not draw them, I really wonder who did.

@Lorne: I am saddened that as a cranky middle-aged white guy you have no use for ninja/pirate/zombie/vampire/viking fetishization. (Except for the vampires, vampires are uber-lame.)

As a cranky middle-aged white guy myself, I find ninja/pirate/zombie/viking fetishization to purely constructive. Central, even, to the continuation of my life's work, goals, and desires. In fact, I would note that "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas could have been a much more pleasant movie if only he had spent a little more time arguing about ninjas, pirates, zombies, and vikings, and a little less time being so damned cranky!

Then again, you're right. I didn't go back to work today.

Guys have ninja/pirate/zombie/vampire/viking fetishes? See this is why I love Giz, I get info that I can actually use. Those are now my list of RPs, er, um, resolutions for 08. Done pirate already (what a sunburn!); Zombie? I dunno, I think thats only for married people. Its gonna be a great year....

there was this one time were my mom bought a hair straightner and it had a warning that said, "Do not use this while sleeping" I lmao'ed

Sorry, not funny. These aren't believable, they are over the top to the point of being Just Dumb. Good (funny) warning illustrations operate on the concept that they were thought to be legitimately necessary by a real company. On top of that, "you can't" isn't as funny as "do not"

@92BuickLeSabre:
@simpsons-movie-ruled:
@tzakiel:

OK. I was mistaken.

Actual discussion about this post is worse than the whole Ninja/Pirate thing.

@tzakiel:
I'm sure they meant 'do not' but it got lost in translation

@Curves: If I find out that you LARP, I will lose a tremendous amount of respect for you. In the meantime, get yerself over to io9.

As Gizmodo's resident geek-girl, you have all the makings of an io9 All Star (which is why all us 30-something geeks fawn all over you)

/signed

A geeky flirt who still loves Girlie (and always will)

IT DOESN'T HELP THAT WHEN I SEE AMADANA I HAVE TO DOUBLE-TAKE AND THINK, "amanda, wait..amanadawhat?"
BUT THE GALLERY LINK IS LITERALLY "amandawarnings":

/photogallery/AmandaWarnings/

thanks for thinking dyslexic me making.

Don't tell me what I can't do...

@OMG!!! Ponies!!!: I am embarassed to say I dont even know what a LARP is. I shall indeed check out io9, thank you. I haven't noticed any fawning, but thanks for the thought. That girly is a lucky woman. ;)

Fascist pigs, always telling us whawt we can and can't do.

Nice to see there's minimal engrish.com fodder here. Props to Amadana for that; no, wait...

@Curves: (*fawns*) ;-]

@BigDanInTX: Happy belated return fawns.