Gizmodo
Today I was extremely harsh with the Beamz Laser Music system. So acid, it seems, that the public relations company that represents the product contacted me about it:
Jesus: Ouch! - you really nailed us on the beamz video. Okay, you don't like the video - I get that. But that's not being fair to the product itself.Of course, we do think the beamz offers plenty of opportunity for creativity and I am hoping you'll see that when you get the product. It is not meant to be a traditional musical instrument because that takes so much training for people to master. The beamz was conceived and created by an accomplished Hollywood musician and songwriter whose goal was to allow the average music lover to experience the passion of making music.
Without a doubt, everyone who sees the beamz in person and uses it, absolutely loves it. The beamz was a huge hit this weekend at its first major public event - Celebrity Fight Night. You can find photos of the beamz at the event here.
Jesus, it's easy to knock us for a video you don't like - but I'd rather you see and use the beamz, then give us a fair review based on the merits of the product - not based on whether you like the video.
So, as the PR agency representing the beamz, I am offering you the opportunity to borrow a set of beamz for a product review. Are you willing to do that and give us a fair shot?
Matt Silverman
Director of Public Relations
R&R Partners
And here's my reply:
I wasn't knocking your product because of a video I don't like. I was criticizing your product because I think the concept is flawed from the start, allows for no creativity whatsoever, and because, having played an instrument for a good part of my life, there's no room for expresion in your product. I'm sorry, but it is a technological gimmick, no matter if people have fun or not trying it.In any case, I will put aside my judgement of the concept and give it a fair test opportunity.
So yes, even if I risk my soul and mental sanity in the process, I will be there like shareware. Hopefully, it will arrive soon—and leave even earlier—but I will give it, like everything else we test, a fair shot.
In the meantime, you can check the completely absurd and grotesque video and leave your opinion here.
Comments
You probably meant "flawed", not "flawless".
Quote author:
"I think the concept is flawless from the start"
Did you mean to say "was flawed"?
flawless or flawed from the start?
Jesus...sorry to nitpick, but I think you meant to say that you thought the concept was flawed from the start. Had you thought it was flawless, we wouldn't be here.
Celebrity Fight Night? Umm, show it at a Society of Composers and Lyricists meeting, or, crap, a junior or senior high school instrumental music class or something. Celebrity Fight Night? That's all you've got?
And Jesus, I think you meant "...flawed from the start..." not "...flawless..." It is totally flawed.
This is not a theramin or anything even approaching a real instrument. It's not "recreating" the instrumental music experience, it's castrating it.
Reminds me of the time LaBrada gave me a bunch of supplements to try and rate after Houston was named the fattest city in the nation. When I rated them as chalky and unappetizing even after a rigorous workout, their PR people went apeshit.
I only wish there'd been a video.
Wow, sorry to jump on that "flawed" thing, Jesus. Looks like we've got it covered...
Heading on to Eden
Ya-ay brother...
Ya-ay.
he may have meant flawless in the sense that the tracks are already predetermined and the "player" is not contributing anything extra to the music?
+ Watch video
That's my thought. You could get the same result by placing a handful of drinking bird thingies in front of the beams.
@coolfelix
Exactly...if you can play a flawless song every time, then there is no creativity involved.
"The beamz was conceived and created by an accomplished Hollywood musician..."
Not any musician, mind you. Not some run-of-the-mill ethnomusicologist, no sir - we've got standards. We're tellin' you it took a gen-you-wine HOLLYWOOD musician invented this travesty.
This comment thread was flawless from the start.
And I expect video of this. Preferably in the tone of the original infomercial.
@strider_mt2k: thank you for that
@strider_mt2k: Disturbing... disturbing...
@strider_mt2k: That rocked!
Somebody post a link to Spock's "Bitter Dregs" video, PLEASE!
Good for both the company and you.
Post a video of your review, but I still think it's a 6 key keyboard.
Did they address the potentially bigoted bend of the video? Did they see that the only woman and/or somebody of any non-caucasian appearance shows up with the title "Everyone sounds great!"- and then only for a second.
Got it...
"I'm sorry, but it is a technological gimmick, no matter if people have fun or not trying it."
And Giz is so anti-technological gimmicks! If the beams were shot out of giant breasts and nipples Giz would give the big thumbs up.
Everyone knows this was headed for the Shaper Image catalog, heck it epitomizes the crap they sell/sold (Are they out of business yet?)Sorry I rate this as FAIL.
@faust1200: Read: If the gimmick were the most awesome thing ever, Giz would give the big thumbs up.
Oh Jesus, if only you'd let Addy proofread that response first it would have so much more impact.
As for the video in question, it definitely does give the impression that it's playing synthesizer loops whose various settings can be only minimally altered by running your body parts through lasers.
I absolutely think there is a huge potential market for anyone that can come up with a way for untrained musicians to make music. I think it's quite likely that there are people who are too uncoordinated or lazy to commit to mastering the significant technical skills required for instrument play who nevertheless would still excel at composing and playing music on a much simpler device than a piano or guitar. In fact, there may come a time when such a device makes traditional instrument mastery obsolete.
Unfortunately this product does not appear to be "the one".
I give them props for following Giz and recognizing they were slapped around and needed to do something about it. Good for them. And, to their credit, plenty of gimmicks have been quite popular, even if they do not have huge commercial (musical) success. How many of us have owned a kazoo (or whatever they are called) in our lifetime. You will not find too many top forty songs with it used, but it certainly was extremely popular, regardless. So, who knows. It is highly unlikely, but anything is possible, I guess.
Beamz, the interweb has spoken. It does not look good for you.
Opps! Typos never look good when you are a journalist. (I am one, so I feel your pain!) My wife used to work for R&R Partners. It doesn't have much to do with this story, but it gives it new local hilarity!
@Atrahasis: The day talent is rendered obsolete by automagic instruments is the day I give up on the human race for good.
i think ( i said i think) he means that the concept is flawless, that it's a perfect instrument, so it allows no creativity to the people who use it...
or maybe he just meant flawed,but that's how i understood it
The creator of this contraption recently was given some time onstage during an annual non-profit event, to apparently showcase his technology for people with disability. Not only did he turn his time into a sales pitch for an overly expensive device, but was pushing the biggest piece of crap technology I've seen in a while. In no way does this device help you create music, but any object crossing the sensor merely plays a musical track. There should be no illusion, this is as sophisticated and intelligent as opening the 7-11 door just to hear the chime. Bad tech, sure- but when you're finding a bad time to try and swindle a product to people less knowledgeable, thats downright terrible... and when I email the company, I don't get a response back...
@workingonyourinvoice: My point is that many people may have latent talent for musical composition that never gets explored due to the high financial/time/physical investments that come with traditional instrument mastery.
Take the guitar for instance. You are basically mastering two things at once. The musical part and the physical part. You not only have to learn which cords sound good when strung together, but you also need to be able to play your fingers to bloody enough times that you can make flawless cord transitions.
I'm just saying that the physical part (the bloody fingers) may be an unneeded barrier to the real talent part (making music).
Wow. Jesus, you're the man, but that reply made you look REALLY bad. Not the message, per se, but all the grammatical mistakes.
May wanna proofread next time.
@Atrahasis: It's called Modplug Tracker, and it's open-source.
Gizmodo really needs a full time editor to check for spelling and grammar mistakes...
Giz, make sure you tell the PR agency that the device is going to be subjected to the "Will it blend" test before it's returned......
@HeartBurnKid: I don't think software is the answer, at least not by itself. Sure, you can mimic any instrument and compose multiple tracks, but I don't get the feeling that you are actually playing anything.
I remember there being a program for my C64 that would turn the keyboard into a synthesizer. As simple as it was, it was still great fun to jam out on the thing. I guess I am looking for the spot where the kinetic aspect of music joins the intellectual part. If you can strip that to its base and then build an intuitive instrument around that experience, then you may just have the next big thing.
@lafond66: give the man a brake:-D
Yes, it looked a bit hurried. But we have like proofread the mail about 10 bazillion times now and there are a couple more tiny errors in it. But you know your bible: he who is without fault, shall cast the first stone. Or something to that tune;-) Probably a bit more classical. Like 'casteth the first stone' or something similarly weird.
"Jesus!"
"You said it man, nobody fucks with the Jesus"
P.S your shortcut at the end redirects back to this same page an not the video
Music requires so much training? Well of course it does. Anything worthwhile takes time and dedication to develop the appropriate skills. Such an statement essentially implies that this product is for the extremely lazy. Or stupid. Or both.
Conceived by an accomplished Hollywood musician? Interesting choice of adjectives. "Accomplished" is about as empty a term as you can put out there. How does one become an accomplished musician? What does one need to accomplish in order to receive that title? I can place my cats paws on my acoustic and make him to strum an A chord, does that make him an accomplished guitar player? I mean, he ACCOMPLISHED playing it.
The average music lover can experience the passion of music? If they're so passionate about music, why aren't they purchasing actual instruments? Especially when someone could purchase any number of instruments for far less than your product.
Everyone loves it? You mean the four people from those photos? Oh, wait, I mean three people. That other guy is your rep. Now, I'm no expert in judging facial expressions--I really just have the ability to tell when my boss is angry or my girlfriend is climaxing--but none of those individuals looked even remotely interested.
Knock a video you don't like? Guy, he wasn't knocking the video. He was knocking the crappy sounds eminating from the video. Its the 21st century and your product sounds like a Casio keyboard from the mid-80's, what the fuck do you expect?
Jesus, has anyone mentioned the laser-harp by Jean-Michel Jarre?
+ Watch video
"...and because, having play an instrument for a good part of my life..."
I think the word you were looking for was "played"...
I hope you proof-read your response before sending it on.
i completely agree with the original assessment. This is another 'guitar hero' type product that makes people think they are musicians. GO LEARN A REAL INSTRUMENT!!!! I also like how dated the video is.. people high-five'ing and such.. its like watching an 80s commercial. pure garbage.
Oh God Jesus (oops), you're doomed!
It's dangerous to go alone, take this:
+ Watch video
@Moordryd: Wow, I swear I didn't see your post there.
@strider_mt2k: Awesome, hadn't seen that in a while
And after he reached Eden, he got promoted to driver of the Winnebago
I dont know if this is the absurd video but it definitely is a absurd video.
[www.sharperimage.com]
@strider_mt2k:
just don't eat the fruit..........
Hey Mister, this is only version 1.0. You are going to be singing a different tune when version 2.0 comes out!
Or maybe not.
I think when they mentioned Hollywood musician they meant to say Hollywood porn soundtrack musician. I could see a version of this that mounts on your bed's headboard so that when an arm or a foot break the beam you have a little musical interlude to enhance the experience.
@Atrahasis: @_badtziscool: @spaceman37: @avidgator:
Yes, flawed, like my english. Corrected, thanks.
@Jesus Diaz: I don't think you guys realize how much power and influence you guys have over the internet.
Based on your poorly written e-mail, you should be the last to talk. Aside from corrections mentioned above, you missed "having *played*," not "having play." However gimmicky the product may be, you're also the last person that should be reviewing it, because you're going in biased. Hopefully you'll let another Giz staffer do the review, even if they're sure to come to the same predetermined conclusions as your own.
@Justin D: I was thinking the same thing...why would they even send a product over for them to review when they know how biased the so-called 'objective' reviewer is going to be?
@Gofastmazda:
Probably because the company stands behind its product and believes in it.
I'm not saying it's a great product -- I agree that it's really nothing more than a gimmicky toy -- but what's wrong with a company showing that they stand behind their gimmicky toy?
they'd better overnight this thing cuz I'm losing interest fast!
dear giz staff,
please do a giz staff 'jam session' video with high fives, heroes, more cowbell and shredding solos all around.
honestly though, with a bit more freedom and/or complexity, this thing could be a source of entertainment not unlike guitar hero or any other rhythm game (which are some of the most popular games right now).
Ay Jesus, that's the problema cuando English es your segundo languaje