And so it has come to pass: Steve Wozniak, gussied up and smiling like maniac, danced on national television. For like a minute and a half! Here's how it went:

Actually, no, I have no idea how it went, but here's what I saw: Woz came out wearing an awesome pink boa, the music began and he started dancing. It was fantastic and joyful and I could sort of see that lady's butt and everyone cheered! It was a good minute and a half, and nobody seemed happier about it than Woz himself. It was a triumph for geeks, a triumph for Steve, and, at least I thought, a triumph for the very art of dance.

But then some dweeby host made some bad computer jokes (NOTE TO DWEEBY HOST: Safari browser gags probably won't land with your target demographic, but thanks for trying) and the results came in. Words were said, numbers were raised, and somehow, according to ridiculous dance math, Steve-O is better than Steve-Woz. Thankfully, according to Giz math, this doesn't matter—so do that thing. [ABC]