The Only Novelty Flash Drive Benchmark Roundup You Need

To summarize: Santa Claus has the lowest data rates, while the strawberry has the highest. The severed thumb is slower than it deserves to be, and the barbecued chicken beats the hamburger. In other news, I love this test.

Having run similarly obsessive benchmark roundups before, Testfreaks is no stranger to flash drive testing. They're quick to show us, then, that these drives are generally pretty terrible, and that if you're looking for performance, you'll probably be better served by a decent mainstream drive over a plasticized shrimp. One gripe throws a damper on this wonderful test: I kinda wish there were a few more of the flash drive legends, like the beer drive, the humping dog and for good measure, Sylvester Stallone's genitalia. [Testfreaks]