Sometimes, you want to make love, but there's no one around to join you in an act of carnal pleasure. Now, you don't have to let that stop you, assuming you're OK with going to town on a fancy ottoman.
Yes, it's the Fleshlight Motion, "the Ultimate Hands Free Experience." Just think: now you can jerk off and eat a sandwich with both hands at the same time! Sure, it'll be about 1,000 times more embarrassing if your mom walks in on you using this thing rather than pleasuring yourself traditionally, but who cares? You take masturbating seriously and you don't care who knows it.
Be sure to check out David Cross' Twitter feed, which includes a whole bunch of catchphrases for the Fleshlight Motion submitted to him by his followers. Amazing stuff. [Fleshlight Motion via David Cross]