Who has time to watch a whole viral video anymore? Between Tweeting, drinking Mountain Dew, and doing backflips, our attention spans are shorter than ever. So UGO curated 50 of the best viral videos under a half minute long. Enjoy:
50. NASA High Five Denied
We're launching people into space, dude. I don't have time for a high five.
49. Dog Milks Goat
In olden times, everybody had to help out around the farm. Even if you were wearing your best clothes.
48. Giant Ape Flips Off Helicopter
After punching it into a cliff face, of course.
47. TV Faceplant
This wacky stunt didn't work out quite as well as intended. Maybe they needed more grease.
46. Gym Accident
Setting this to "Let's Get Physical" makes it, in my opinion.
45. World's Second Hardest Skateboard Trick
I'd like to see you pull this off, buddy.
44. Barack Obama's Two Dads
ABC's Terry Moran maybe needs to take a refresher course on where babies come from.
43. Mountain Bike Stairs Fail
Give this guy props for having the guts to try something so stupid in the first place.
42. Robocop – Bitches Leave
If you don't have time to watch the whole greatest movie of all time, maybe seven seconds will do.
41. Tyson Fury Punches Himself In The Face
Glorious slow-motion multiple angle view of this guy owning himself in the ring.
40. Breakdance Cat
You have to wait your turn to bust a move, or else stuff like this happens.
39. Dramatic Prairie Dog
This little guy became quite the Internet sensation a few years ago. Then somebody ate him.
38. Special Forces Survival Shovel
Fifteen seconds of a dude with a mustache hitting a chunk of beef with a shovel.
37. The BBQ'r
This is a mistake just about anybody could make. Okay, maybe not anybody.
36. Boise State Cowbell Girl
More cowbell! And more feeling behind it!
35. Volkswagen T3 Crash Test
So don't crash one of these. Or if you do, make sure you're riding in the trunk, where it's safe.
34. Eh Marine!
Six seconds of absolute perfection. Three words, one slap, and a goofy thumbs-up. The apotheosis of the viral video.
33. Fatty Bump Fires A Beretta
What he lacks in dodging power he makes up for in shots fired.
32. Colin's Bear Animation
Boy, that art school tuition was money well spent. Big ups, Colin.
31. Drag Racing School Bus
If I could have ridden to school in one of these, I would have gone to school.
30. Pretty Much Everywhere, It's Gonna Be Hot
This weatherman is probably the best dude to ever wave at pictures of clouds.
29. Girl Pukes On Plane
Gravity is perhaps Man's (and woman's) greatest enemy. Not for the weak of stomach.
28. Soccer Karma
It's rare that the wheel of Karma turns so quickly. One bitchy move by a goalie = one scored goal in less than ten seconds.
27. Burger King Drunk Fail
A yob tries to smash out a Burger King window and gets a little taste of karma for his troubles.
26. Japanese Man Slo-Mo Car Hit
This guy thinks he's getting away with something awesome, only to get brutally owned.
25. German Weightlifting Accident
Love the high-pitched "Mama!" when the sheez goes down.
24. How To Undress In Two Seconds
Japan: where they have everything down to a science.
23. Motorcycle Jump Goes Wrong
Okay, usually you make the motorcycle jump over something else. Bet you wish you were wearing a helmet on your nuts, smart guy.
22. Pogo Stick To The Face
This kid's reaction is pretty great, and minus any of the profanities I would have used.
21. Don't Piss Off The Horse
This little brat deserves what she gets. And once in slow motion for good measure.
20. Magic Show Volunteer
The geniuses at 5 Second Films are experts in the quick hit, and this one is one of their funniest gags.
19. News Anchor Vs. Giant Seagull
Amazingly enough, that wasn't even the top story of the day.
18. Mustache On The People's Court
The best People's Court closing interview of all time.
17. Chuck Storm Reporting Blooper
He puts the "action" in Action News!
16. Roof Jump Miss
The sound this dude makes when he blows the jump is amazing. It's like "Heygull!" and then he hits the ground.
15. Saran Wrap And Syrup
Like many great pranks, this one gets better with the addition of slow motion.
14. Wal-Mart Moonwalk
This almost makes going to Wal-Mart seem fun. Almost.
Sometimes the fat kid just ain't hungry indeed.
12. Go, Dog, Go
They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. They lied.
11. Banana Man
I would let this guy sell me bananas any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
10. Tabasco In The Eye
Some poor chump drips Tabasco sauce into his eye. I don't think I could handle it if this video was any longer than 19 seconds.
9. Tech Watch Puke
What happens when you take the 360 and add the DSP? Projectile vomiting, apparently.
8. The Ultimate Bitchslap
You haven't been truly bitchslapped until you've been bitchslapped by a guy in a cowboy hat and tighty whiteys.
7. Raptors Mascot Eats It
Bad things happening to mascots is always funny.
6. Backyard Wrestler Entrance Fail
You know you're hardcore when you start taking bumps before the match even starts.
5. Zombie Fish Punch
What do you do with a zombie fish? Punch it in the mush, of course.
4. Tyra Banks - Kiss My Fat Ass
Can you sum up Tyra Banks in five seconds? Heck yeah you can.
3. Van Stoppie
Forget every negative thing I've ever said about soccer moms and minivans. This owns.
2. Vending Machine Backflip
Let's do one more parkour fail for the road, shall we? Nice visor, holmes.
1. Garbage Day!
And to close, a little piece of magic from Silent Night, Deadly Night. Garbage day indeed.