Well, it was a big week for morons and trains. There is clearly some kind of locomotive Darwinism at work, but miraculously both of these dipshits survived. We hope these serve as a warning to not ever be this stupid.
We don't know much about this kid other than that he is extremely lucky to be alive. Was he trying to do some parkour stunt? I do not know. He hops right up after the train rushes by, but it looks like it could have a limp. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd broken his foot. Stupid! [Break via BuzzFeed]
So, we actually know a bit about our second genius. This Australian kid is 12-year-old. He spots a cutie on the opposite platform. He crosses over to chat her up. Suddenly, he sees what he thinks is his train coming, so he tries to run back across to beat it. It's not his train. It's a through train; it's not going to slow down. He doesn't make the jump, and he gets pinned between the train and platform. By some divine fucking miracle, he isn't killed. He does, however, end up with a broken leg, a broken elbow, and some nasty cuts.
This raises two questions. One: Where does a twelve-year-old have to be that he can't afford to miss his train and be a little late? You don't have to risk your life, kid, the Hamberg Helper can be reheated. And two: How gorgeous must this young lady have been to warrant a kid doing something this stupid? Unless she looked like Beyonce in her new video, it wasn't worth it. [The Telegraph]
If there's a lesson that can be learned here, it's don't be a fucking idiot and dart in front of a speeding train. Mmmkay? Mmmkay.
Image credit: Getty Images/Sean Gallup