The Post Office is dying, kids, hemorrhaging money while you fritter away your time with those emails. Don't you know that paper mail is safer? Friendlier? And can't be hacked... by terrorists?! That's what the USPS's new ad campaign wants you to think.

It's... pretty pathetic, actually. They're painting it as though we've lost this simpler age when we all hung out with the mail man. When we didn't have to worry about hackers and slow connections, but just precipitation. When it was about real smiles instead of emoticons. We don't live in those times anymore. That isn't a bad thing.

Get over it, you guys. Whining doesn't become you. [Washington Post]