Save Lou Reed!

Lou Reed must be broke. Or maybe he lost a bet. I can't think of any other explanation for why he's agreed to go all Beats by Dre on these Klipsch earbuds. Everyone needs to pitch in here.

There's something humiliating about seeing Lou Reed—Lou Fucking Reed—modeling a set of metallic purple in-ear headphones. This man is a rock and roll pioneer who struck fear into the hearts of the status quo. I don't believe that Lou Reed wears these in-ear headphones, but if he does, I don't want to know about it. I don't want to think about him walking the dog in the morning. Or going to Starbucks. I want to think about him strung out on the floor of the Factory saying weird and important things to Nico, Andy Warhol, and John Cale. Nevermind that there's no way that Lou Reed had anything to do with the design of these headphones. Purple? Not even in a glam way, man. This is a parody of a sponsorship.

Special edition or not, these Lou Reed Signature X10i in-ear headphones have solidified within my soul what before amounted to only a nebulous concern for Mr. Reed—now I'm sure that he's in trouble. In theory there is nothing wrong with Klipsch X10i headphones. $350 is pretty expensive for a set of aluminum in-ears, and I doubt if they really sound $250 better than the excellent Klipsch S4is.

Klipsch makes great products, but the company also has the habit of repackaging its designs into new and super-special editions that are more or less what came before. Like these buds: The X10i's have been around since last year, which means Lou Read didn't raise a finger designing them.

It's just the latest hollow money grab in Reed's life. I was willing to abide that ridiculous failure of an HP commercial last summer. But then I heard his new Metallica collaboration (spoiler: it blows), and I started to get worried. This is the behavior of a man who must be desperate. I mean look at THOSE EYES. Those are the eyes of a man who is crying for help with his actions, but can't ask for help with his voice. Why else would Lou mug for the camera like he's Lady Gaga. I can't stand it.

Oh and did you hear? The first 50 people to order $400 Lou Reed headphones get a LIMITED EDITION AUTOGRAPHED LOU REED CD! What?!?! You might as well send me a cassette tape. How about an eight-track? Thanks for the limited edition drink coaster Klipsch.

So let's all do Lou Reed a solid. After all, his music has always been there for us, and now our Spotify subscriptions are killing him. Let's go buy lots and lots of his records. Buy Transformer on Amazon. Buy Transformer on iTunes. I don't care where you buy Lou Reed's music. Just do it. Let's not shame him any more with our neglect. [Klipsch]


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