Sooner or later winter is going to get to you. Most people just suck it up, layer themselves in synthetics, and brave the cold. This year, you're going to give up. Don't go outside. You don't have to.
Now that you've decided to stay inside till about, oh, April or so, you need to prepare. We'll make sure you don't starve—that's easy—but your biggest concern should be the inevitable onset of craziness. Unfathomable, identity-destroying craziness. But with a little preparation your solitude doesn't have to be unlivable. If you're lucky enough to work from home, we're willing to bet you can spend the rest of the winter inside. If you've got to go out to go to work? We feel bad for you.
During your winter hibernation, you're going to need stuff you didn't think of in advance. How were you supposed to know you'd conquer Skyrim and have insatiable cravings for shrimp flautas? Depending on where you live, Seamless—or some other service—will hook you up with bunches of local delivery joints. If you've got Amazon Prime, they'll bring you a new Xbox game in no time.
Image via Mark Tee/Flickr
If you've decided to avoid the outdoors altogether, you're probably already suffering from some form of Seasonal-Affective Disorder. Now drastically reduce whatever exposure to sunlight you usually get, and you're looking at a potential emotional disaster. This Phillips "energy light" will pick up your spirits. It emits a blue light the same color as a clear summer sky. $200
Science has proved that sitting around on your ass will kill you, and what better way to get some exercise that video games? Dance Central 2 is probably the best Kinect game out there, and it will keep you fit. Plus, you should brush up on your dance moves while no one is watching so that when spring rolls around you can hit the club full force. $50
If you choose to never go outside, you're going to have an vast ocean of free time. The good ship Netflix on your computer's Wi-Fi will barely get you to February. Sign up for Hulu Plus, renew your Xbox Live account, and for gods sake, get Netgear's Powerline AV+ 500. The networking kit takes your internet connection from the source and zaps it through your house's electrical grid. You then grab it on the other end so you can connect directly to your Xbox, TV, or whatever, so that you get the most out of your internet connection. No more laggy Call of Duty multiplayer games caused by crappy Wi-Fi. $160
You can't sit there staring at a huge screen all day. You'll get bored and your mind will turn to putty. The Rubik's Cube has long been the solace and of lonely nerds. (Now that you've locked yourself inside that's you.) If you get the hang of the regular cube, there's always tons of cool variations for you to work on as well. $15
Now let's discuss the very real possibility that you might go a very long time without touching or even seeing a person. Your friends think you're a weirdo so they're not going to come over, so order the Real Doll—companionship that won't ever question your decisions. The Real Doll comes in both male and female versions, and will just sit there while you rant about whatever the heck you want. That's right, talk the night away with a voluptuous, lifelike doll. Think six grand is too much to spend on a few months of synthetic companionship? How much, exactly, is your sanity worth to you? $6000 doll/$30 dress