Image: Adam Clark Estes

For two weeks, homeowners in Rio de Janeiro will have some highly desired real estate as people from around the world flock to the city (perhaps cautiously) to watch the Olympic Games. Basic economics would suggest the locals will engage in a little bit of price gouging. But woah, some people are getting super gutsy.


That said, there are a few surprisingly decent amount of options out there that don’t involve sleeping in someone’s closet. But there are many that are just... well... you’ll see.

[Note: Some descriptions are imperfectly translated from Portuguese.]

Vam Luxuosa Blindada (Luxurious Armored Van) - $5150

High tech armored van that is super luxurious with comfortable armchairs.

If you want to be a little mobile when you’re at the Games, this roaming armored van could be just for you. (The armchairs indeed look comfortable.) But if you want to use the van through the entire Olympics, you’re looking at about $87,000. Ouch.

Nice Small Apartment in Flamengo - $6,417

My space is near Flamengo...close to the metro, bus points, and access to tourist spots...My space is good for couples, business travelers, and families (with 1 child).

When I picture the word “uncomfortable” I will forever think of this bed. Also no pets, parties, or infants? Seems unreasonably strict for $6,417.

Olympics Accommodation Copacabana - $1,339

Airy with very good neighbors and good price. Cozy as your home.

None of those details looks even remotely true. I don’t know, though. I’ve never met the neighbors.

apartamento em copacabana (Apartment in Copacabana) - $5058

Fully finished apartment, living room, kitchen with appliances, bathroom and sitting area. Tranquility and comfort in the heart of Copacabana.

Sounds great! Who knows what it looks, though, like since the listing’s pictures are beyond terrible. Or maybe the apartment is melting?

Barco-Casa na Marina da Gloria (Boat House on the Gloria Marina) - $948

53-foot trawler built to spend your holidays in beach locations without having to leave the boat. It has all the infrastructure of a house, full kitchen, TV with SKY, internet, living room and dining area, barbecue and space to sunbathe.

Boats. Boats are cool, but not necessarily for sleeping. Also for $14,000 for two weeks, you can probably put a down payment on your own kickass boat. And you also wouldn’t have to sleep while floating on human shit.

Film TV Studio Rio Olympics 2016 - $2,668

Film and TV studio available during Rio 2016 Olympic/Paralympic games in August and September. Main stage is 160m2 sound proof cyclorama grid 120 KVA A/C production offices dressing room full baths and accommodations a few minutes from Copa. Unique

If you’re feeling super creative, you could also round up 15 of your closest friends and hit up this entire film studio for the week. Only $2,650 a night, which is actually not too bad split 16 ways. There are only three beds, however.

Apartment over the sea - $3,159

Apartment with...stunning views of Copacabana sea. With three bedrooms and one suite, classically decorated with maid and butler service.

If I had to design a room lampooning the needlessly lavish, it’d look something like this, though maid and butler services is included.

Melhor Apart-Hotel em Ipanema (Best Apartment/Hotel) - $11,169

Located one block from the beach, between the famous Posto 9 and 10. It is a flat on the floor penultimate (up to only the pool) with a beautiful view from the room to the sea! Very cozy and well equipped!

When I first saw this listing I thought it had to be a typo. There must be too many ones in that price! But the more ludicrous daily rates got, the more I realized it wasn’t a joke. At least it actually looks clean and cozy.



Oh also, the minimum stay is ten days.

Quarto com banheiro - optima localizaçao (Room with bathroom - optimal location) -$26

My space is close to room with bathroom very well located. Close to the Largo do Machado metro.

Ok, I lied. There is one closet. Can’t beat that deal, though.