31 People Who Will Sell You Pets, Blood, and Sex for an iPhone 5

Illustration for article titled 31 People Who Will Sell You Pets, Blood, and Sex for an iPhone 5

Many, many people would like to purchase an iPhone 5. But only a special few are willing to sell these highly inappropriate things in order to afford it. Also, uh, guys? The iPhone 4 is free.

Plasma

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Sperm

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Both

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Basically Every Human Part

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Houses

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Cars

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Pets

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Siblings

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Sex

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Are a lot of these people just joking? Sure! Probably. Hopefully? But either way, people, say it with me now: It's just a phone.

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DISCUSSION

I've sold my plasma before. You get like 35-45 bucks for it, and they check your arms for needle marks and ask you lots of questions about your sex life and drug use. When you're done you feel tired, weak and dehydrated. You also feel like scum, who has to be checked for diseases from all you prostitution and drug use before you are allowed to have your blood turned into lip gloss and shit.

The moral of this story is that you should never allow yourself to be that desperate. Make someone else that desperate if you have to, because at the end of the day some people are winners and some people sell plasma.