Illustration for article titled 31 People Who Will Sell You Pets, Blood, and Sex for an iPhone 5

Many, many people would like to purchase an iPhone 5. But only a special few are willing to sell these highly inappropriate things in order to afford it. Also, uh, guys? The iPhone 4 is free.

Plasma

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Sperm

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Both

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Basically Every Human Part

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Houses

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Cars

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Pets

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Siblings

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Sex

There used to be a Storify embed here, but Storify doesn’t exist anymore :(

Advertisement

Are a lot of these people just joking? Sure! Probably. Hopefully? But either way, people, say it with me now: It's just a phone.