Here at Gizmodo, we like to welcome the holiday weekend with some chill, vacation-worthy content. Like this story about a dude in Thailand who almost got his dick bitten off by a massive python that crawled out of his toilet.
The man, who will reportedly recover from his serpentine encounter, was using a squat toilet in his home east of Bangkok when the 10-foot-long snake struck.
The Associated Press has the full rundown:
Attaporn Boonmakchuay was smiling as Thai television stations interviewed him in his hospital bed about the intimate intrusion, and doctors said he would recover. But photos of his blood-splattered bathroom in Chachoengsao province, east of Bangkok, were testimony to his ordeal.
It gets worse:
The 38-year-old told Thai TV Channel 7 that he struggled to remove the snake for 30 minutes Wednesday before he managed to free himself with help from his wife and a neighbor. After his wife tied a rope around the snake, Attaporn pried open its jaws before passing out.
The snake apparently slithered into the unlucky dude’s plumbing system, where it was still hanging out when emergency workers arrived. A local newspaper reported that the dick-loving snake was sent back into the wild, where it will no doubt continue to wreak havoc.
The AP, bless their intrepid journalistic hearts, also have a video—aptly titled, “Raw: Snake Bites Thai Man Using Toilet”—that includes footage of the snake itself. And the snake, let’s be clear, is fucking huge:
Let’s take a closer look, shall we?
Doctors said that Attaporn Boonmakchuay will likely recover barring any infection, but “if the bite had gone into the urinary tract, it would have been a big problem.”
Stunningly, he’s not the only one to find a snake in his plumbing. There was this guy, this guy, and this woman, too. And who can forget about the dreaded toilet spider, which is probably bullshit but terrifying nonetheless? Happy Memorial Day, everyone!