If that cushy, three-ply toilet paper seems too luxurious and pricey for you, but the cheaper stuff is an unpleasant experience, here's a cheap and easy upgrade from Kohler that turns your regular toilet into one of those fancy derriere-hosing bidets.
Installation is as easy as swapping in a new toilet seat and ensuring its got access to both a water and electrical supply. Once both are hooked up you'll be privy to a heated seat, a warm blast of oscillating or pulsed water to clean your backside, and even an automatic dryer to ensure things are nice and dry before you disembark.
The uninspiringly-named C3-230 also includes a wireless remote for tweaking all the power and temperature settings, as well as programming a set of soft glowing LEDs that make night-time bathroom trips less messy. To keep odors under control, the business end of the bidet uses UV light for daily sanitation, while a built-in deodorizer works to neutralize other imported smells. Pricing hasn't been revealed yet, but while most certainly pricey, it's probably one of those 'pay for itself in the long run' deals. [Kohler]