Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Air Force Takes Pain Beam to the Skies

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

The Air Force already developed the Woody Allen-esque "Active Denial System," a microwave-based beam that causes painful, but (hopefully) non-damaging bubbling of the water just underneath the skin. Basically, people cook a little and then freak out—better than a bullet, and at least twice as entertaining. And while a Humvee-mounted version is in the works, the Air Force wouldn't live up to their name if they didn't mount one to a jet, so a new version is in the works that will let pain beam fly the unfriendly skies. Clearly, our Air Force is now manned by scientists whose careers were molded by the end of Real Genius. I am both happy and sad for us.



Share This Story

Get our newsletter