Apple's Flying Saucer Sucks

Image: Apple

Apple released photos of its new work-in-progress Cupertino campus, and more importantly, a detailed look at its saucer section. Honestly, I’ve seen better saucers in my day.

The new photos came in a sprawling Mashable feature about construction on Apple’s so-called spaceship of a new office. It’s made of 44 identical radial panels and will servce as the roof of a theater, where Apple will announce the iPhone 9 or MacBook Ultra Pro or whatever overpriced gadgets it plans to sell next. And while the 80-ton carbon fiber disk might be an architectural marvel, it’s basically in last place when it comes to saucers that can actually fly. Obviously, there’s a big huge crane holding Apple’s saucer in the air and no evidence that includes jet engines or anything that would allow it to levitate on its own.


Yeah sure, 140 feet in diameter sounds impressive at first, but then you remember that Independence Day’s City Destroyers (which also have a way cool name btw) is 15 miles across. Also, it could destroy cities.

Unpatriotic, but a damn good saucer.

Even the original saucer section of Star Trek’s NC-1701 is almost triple the size, and the Jean-Luc’s Enterprise is even bigger than the original! These saucers could also fly through space, fire phasers and travel at warp speed, all things I bet British architecture firm Foster+Partners neglected to add.

A+ saucer

It’s worth nothing that Apple’s intent for its saucer section is slightly less ambitious than pursuing peace throughout the galaxy or trying to destroy an entire species. It will eventually be the lid for a 1,000-seat auditorium featuring a glass-encased lobby that won’t have any columns. The theater opens in 2017.


So it’s pretty cool for a roof, I guess. But I like my saucers with a few more features than simply keep the rain off of fanboys while they gobble up Apple’s talking points. The Apple Saucer is at least cooler than that stupid new hill.


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