Arnold Schwarzenegger has done it all. He’s saved existence on Earth, on Mars, all through time, and more. He’s defeated every bad guy that’s ever been put before him. He’s made us laugh, made us cry, and he’s made us want to go to the movies again and again. Thirty years ago, he even rescued Christmas in a now-perennial favorite called Jingle All the Way.
But wait. Maybe there’s one thing the Terminator, Predator, Total Recall, and Conan star hasn’t done yet. He’s never played Santa Claus. So, for his next trick, Schwarzenegger will do just that opposite a modern version of himself, Alan Ritchson, in a movie called The Man With the Bag. It features Schwarzenegger as Santa, recruiting a thief from the naughty list (Ritchson) to find his bag of presents that was stolen by a mischievous elf, played by Awkwafina. And if that sounds completely off the wall, well, the first trailer confirms that.
Directed by Adam Shankman (Hairspray, Rock of Ages, A Walk to Remember), the film is going direct to Prime Video on December 2. Which both makes total sense and also is hugely disheartening. A few years back, Amazon MGM had another big, star-studded Christmas movie called Red One, and that got a theatrical release. It was very bad, and it bombed, but at least it got a theatrical release. If The Man With the Bag doesn’t even warrant that? Oof. Not good. (We’re guessing the real reason Red One had to go to theaters was all sorts of financial and legal issues, but we digress.)
And yet how can this movie be THAT bad? Schwarzenegger looks like he’s having so much fun. He and Ritchson sharing a screen together feels like a mini-Expendables. Kyle Mooney, Jane Krakowski, and Ken Jeong are in it too. Plus, don’t forget, Jingle All the Way was absolutely destroyed by critics upon release. Thirty years of nostalgia have since made it much more watchable and beloved.
Whatever the case, we are definitely going to pour a glass of eggnog, sit by the tree, and see what The Man With the Bag is all about. Hopefully it’ll take 30 minutes, and not 30 years, to find some enjoyment in it.
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