Buying an iPhone is not confusing. You have a 50% shot of getting it right (unlike the 100% success rate you'd had a few months ago). But if you still need help in deciding which iPhone is best, here's how we would rank them all.
1. iPhone 5S
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Duh.
2. iPhone 5
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UPSET! Why? Aluminum beats plastic.
3. iPhone 5C
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Colorful!
4. iPhone 4S
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It was better than the one before it.
5. iPhone 4
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It was also better than the one before it.
6. iPhone 3GS
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It was also also better than the one before it.
7. iPhone 3G
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It was also also also better than the one before it.
8. iPhone
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Aluminum beats plastic but 2G loses to 3G.
Head here for our complete ranking of Android phones.