Evil Orphans Are Ruining It For The Real Orphans

Illustration for article titled Evil Orphans Are Ruining It For The Real Orphans

The Adoption Institute's protesting the new horror movie Orphan because they believe it's negatively influencing would-be parents. But frankly if someone goes ahead and adopts one of these soulless dead-eyed kids who weeps blood, they're pretty much asking for it.

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In a letter to Warner Brothers, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute's CEO, Barry Meyer, insisted that:

"We are concerned that in addition to its intended entertainment value, this film will have the unintended effect of skewing public opinion against children awaiting families both in the United States and abroad.

Evil Esther and her sinister lines such as, "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own," have certainly pissed off a lot of people. Some adoption agencies have even suggested boycotting the film. Which (in my mind) is like candy shops suggesting the boycott of Willy Wonka.

While the Adoption Institute is protesting the film itself, I believe there is a bigger factor at play here. And would like to make my own demands for a better and more in-depth vetting system to weed the evil orphans out of the adoption pool. Why are innocent couples always ending up with these devil babies, and how come the government hasn't done anything to stop the infestation of evil orphans? There needs to be a longer and more rigorous screening process. Perhaps these questions might help...

Can they hold a Bible without it burning their hands?
Do they make the walls bleed?
Do they refer to themselves as we? As in: "We want to take the cat swimming, we can't reach the matches, we want to play with baby brother alone in in the tree house."

Spokesman Scott Rowe for WB released a statement to AP stating that,

It is not a depiction of any real-life events or situations and has never been portrayed as anything but an entirely fictional story. We apologize if we appeared insensitive with the initial trailer, as it's never our intent to offend anyone with our products.

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In other words it's a movie. And movies are not real. These must be the same kind of people that think they can drink gasoline and turn into a Transformer. Come on people.


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[The Hollywood Reporter]

DISCUSSION

mr-mcgrumpypants-old
Mr McGrumpypants

I wouldn't compare Orphan to Willy Wonka. Willy Wonka is the delights of a magical candy factory. Orphan is a little girl trying to kill her adoptive family.

That said, the Adoption Institute is full of retards. No parent who wasn't serious about adopting a kid would avoid doing so after seeing Orphan. Even if they did, chances are you saved a kid from being raised by morons.

Also, I read the Transformers article. That kid couldn't have been very bright to start with if he decided to drink gasoline to become a Transformer. I grew up as a toddler on Transformers G1 when Cartoon Network ran it through syndication and not once did it occur to me that I should drink gasoline to be like Optimus Prime.

Seriously, where the hell do people come up with these moronic ideas?