You know what they say about news. “One exploding cell phone battery is News of the Weird. Two is a Goddamned Freedom Epidemic.” It was one thing when those heathen European blasphemers took a char to the dome, but when one of our renowned 16-year-old California girls looks a perfectly good pair of Levis (not to mention gaining second degree burns), it’s time we pause all rational discourse and immediately lobby to remove these hazards from our lives.
Ban the cellphone! Who’s with me? (Thanks, San!)
