Extensys 4000: Penile Correction, Texas-Style

Illustration for article titled Extensys 4000: Penile Correction, Texas-Style

Today is a very exciting day for Gizmodo. Serious, too. We've got all sorts of exciting cellphone news. But first something for the best communication device I can think of: the penis. This surgical stainless steel corkscrew-cum-caterpillar thingy (the Ouch! factor is lessened by its silicone rubber "comfort contact zones" ) is the Extensys 4000, a "penile elongation therapy device" according to its creators, Dr Ameyda and Dr Cenilo.


The good doctors' boast is that nightly use of the Extensys 4000 over a four month period will give you an extra 1 centimeter in the trouser department. They also claim bigger and better orgasms, a higher sex drive (of course—you're going to want to show off your new willy, aren't you?) and harder erections. By the way, Ameyda is an orthodontist, but ladies, don't let your boyfriend persuade you that it will fix your teeth while it's working on him.

Product Page [Extensys Lab]


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Scantron Crothers

Somewhere, someone is putting a comically large boxing glove on that thing and rigging it to knock prostitutes unconscious.

(also, I don't know whether 'corkscrew-cum-caterpillar' makes me want to applaud or cry)