Happy Prime Day Eve!

Illustration for article titled Happy Prime Day Eve!

It’s Prime Day tomorrow, so you know what that means! Don’t forget to set out your MRE and plate of batteries in front of the family robot, as is customary on Prime Day Eve. We do this to remember how our ancestors would have to leave their homes, sometimes for several minutes at a time, in search of sustenance for their bellies and energy for their devices.

Remember that you must set out at least one MRE (meal ready to eat) and at least half a dozen AA batteries. Double it if they’re AAA batteries. If you didn’t plan ahead, make sure to add both to your Amazon cart right now and Papa Prime will bring them.

This really is a season to reflect on everything that we’ve fought for as a people for generations. There was a time when human beings would need to interact with each other rather than merely grunt at the mail carrier as a robotically wrapped package of widgets and gizmos was flung at their door. We must not take the sacrifices of those that came before us for granted. All hail Father Prime. And happy Prime Day. Happy Prime Day to us all!

Matt Novak is the editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog

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Ah, only empty consumerism can fill the void. Plus free shipping!!!