How Dumb Was Your First Online Handle?

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Your criminal record gets wiped clean the moment you turn 18, but every idiotic screenname and angst-ridden Xanga remains in perpetuity. GOOD had a few online journalists (including our own Mat "emptyage" Honan) share their first handles, to amusing but mostly harmless results.

So what was your first (or most embarrassing) handle? [GOOD]