It's official: Once Upon Time is way more fun in the real world

Illustration for article titled It's official: Once Upon Time is way more fun in the real world

IT'S ONLY BEEN FIVE DAYS ON NEVERLAND ISLAND. FIVE DAYS. YOU GUYS. ENOUGH. Anyone else feel like we've already spent five YEARS in Neverland, on Once Upon a Time?


Peter Pan is great and all — but just a mere glimpse into Storybrooke brought me down to my knees with gratitude. Please, please, please let's just stay in the real world. Let's stay where there are established (and funny) characters who do not incessantly talk about Henry all day and seemingly run a magical task every day that never takes them any closer to their goal of getting Henry and getting off the island.

Come on, how great was it to hear the dwarves admit that life is better when Snow and Charming are gone? I miss Grams! But for five days, we've been stuck in Neverland.

So therefore it only took five days for:

  • Emma to to practice, and learn how to use some of her powers.
  • Emma to realize she loves Neal, mourn him, fall in love with Hook and then out of love with Neal. And now, she's confused.
  • For Henry to be duped by Peter Pan over and over and over.
  • For Henry to become "the most vicious lost boy."
  • For Regina to steal some lost boy's heart and then STOP USING IT, FOR REASONS.
  • For Regina to say *hands up* fuck these morons, I'm going to hang out with Rumps.
  • For Rumps to have full on shadow-attacks that he thought were real visions.
  • For Neal to save Henry, only to have Peter Pan take him back.
  • For Charming to be poisoned, almost die, and then be brought back to life.

Look at all this crap that has happened on Neverland. And yet, it means nothing! We are still at the same place we've always been, in the jungle running meaningless errands. An instead of making things better it's only making it worse. Like watching two very attractive men act like children when a child's life is at stake. I am the biggest fan of love triangles, but this... this was sloppy. Neal isn't this lazy and Hook isn't this bitchy.

Yes, Hook was absolutely fantastic when he told Emma that they were going to be together — that was hot. How about more of that, less adult men fighting over a lighter?


Illustration for article titled It's official: Once Upon Time is way more fun in the real world

How great were these two? I did not see that coming, but I love that Michael's car had a little tiny bear key chain dangling on it. I'm not really sure how it worked out that Wendy is younger than them in Neverland — but whatever, it's fine. They were great.

I'm also happy that Ariel is back. I do love that she knows how to put on a blouse, tights a skirt and heels — but a gun, WHAT IS A GUN? LOL, you crazy kids. I also loved that Belle and Ariel were comically tied together like Daffy Duck and Elmer Fud. It was fun, and it was a set that wasn't a CG screen or covered in plastic greenery. It just felt nice, you could excuse the hilarity because there was newness happening. Let's go back to Storybrooke, like now.


Also good for Snow for telling her idiot husband that he's the most selfish creature on the planet.



Here come the hipsters?

I'll be honest, as a foreigner I could be using that word wrong...