In this day and age, you can't trust anybody. That's why I'm excited to know about a new hand-held lie detector that the US military has begun using. As soon as a commercial version, I'll be using it on everyone I know. Where was my girlfriend last night? Is that really the best price you can offer? Was I adopted? I'll finally get reliable, true answers to these and many other important questions. That is, if it's really accurate.

There's always been a bit of doubt over the accuracy of polygraph tests, and with the military using them in Afghanistan for what we can assume will be matters of life and death, the same old questions are raised about just how much we can trust them. I know that I wouldn't want to rely solely on a lie detector if I was accused of, say, setting a roadside bomb. But hey, if it'll help me figure out if I was adopted I'm all for it. Mom, dad, why won't you just tell me the truth already? I'm old enough to know, dammit! [MSNBC]