Nintendo Recalls Deadly Blogger-Hanging TV-Set-Exploding Wiimote Straps

This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.
This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Nintendo responded to butter-fingered whiners who've somehow managed let go of their Wiimotes, resulting in exploding TV sets, broken windows and blackened eyes. Heck, some bloggers (pictured at right) have even managed to get choked by the things. The company is offering to replace any straps, broken or not, for free, and each new Wiimote shipped with the Wii console now has an enhanced strap that won't break so easily.


Take a look at a comparison of the old and new straps, and find out how to get a new one:

This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.
This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

The company asks you to take a look at the picture above and figure out whether you have one of the newer versions of the strap on your controller. If you have that slightly thinner original version, fill out this form and Nintendo says it will start shipping replacement straps on December 21. Our advice: just keep the damn thing in your hand. Idea: wash that lube off before you start playing Zelda.

Nintendo respond to Wii breakages [BBC News]

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Okay, dumbshit, since English is clearly not your native language let me actually provide evidence that people ARE abusing the wiimotes:

Website all about the problem:

Notice some of the quotes?:

Nintendo says: "We have received some reports that when consumers swing the Wii Remote with the original version of the wrist-strap using excessive force and accidentally let go...."

(gee, what role do you suppose "excessive force" and "letting go" could possibly have in the breaking of wiimotes and their straps?)

Some guy decides to find out how much abuse the straps can take before they break: "In my scientific opinion, breaking wrist straps must be limited to those using the remote far, far beyond even the most wildly extreme playing condition, or those actually trying to break them. Reports of broken TV screens and ceiling fans are likely due to people not even using the wrist strap, which is their own fault."

"I was playing Wii Sports: Basball. I swung too hard and the controller went flying across the room hitting my wall. -Gavin"

(Swung too hard? Wouldn't that mean that he was using "excessive force"? It sure does)

Proof that people do, indeed, get carried away while playing: "With all my might I promptly slammed my hand (and Wii controller) into my oak coffee table. The Wii broke apart, cutting the inside of my finger (that's right-the Wii drew first blood!)"

Bowling and hits himself in the head. Tether doesn't break, though: "I was sitting on my futon and I guess I swung really hard to knock down the 50+ pins and all of the sudden I realized my head hurt. I was wearing the tether and it did not fail. Instead of it flying widly into the air it stopped and swung back around and hit me in the head"

And there are plenty more. Of course it couldn't hurt to have stronger straps on the wiimotes, but the biggest problem is that people are stupid and get too carried away while playing.

What you need to do is just return your Wii to the store, since you and your feeble friend aren't bright enough to be able to play with the device properly. Idiot.