Please Don't Spend $410 on This Bottle Opener

Illustration for article titled Please Dont Spend $410 on This Bottle Opener

This is the Code-38 Pro Stealth, also known as the $410 corkscrew. Four hundred and ten dollars make for "a complete blend of blasted textures and vaporized titanium based finishes" that opens bottles and uncorks wine. Which is fucking ridiculous.

I'm all for spending excessive amounts of money on unreasonable things, its one of the tenets I live life by. And I hate telling people how to spend their money but seriously, a waiter's friend? Not only is it not worth it, it just means you suck at life. Why? Because opening bottles (wine or beer) isn't that hard to begin with!

The NY Times says the $220 version of the same corkscrew "offers the satisfying, solid heft of a fine tool. It feels good in the hand, like a well-balanced kitchen knife, and it inspires a sort of confidence that I had been unaware of lacking".


And I totally believe the NY Times, but the wine key could feel like Aphrodite's left breast and it wouldn't change a damn thing. It doesn't make wine taste better, right? Michael Madrigale, a sommelier, summed it up best for the $220 version:

"What, $220?" he said. "It's like the $200 hamburger. It's like reinventing something that's already perfect."

Imagine his shock if you spent $410 for one. And now I'm sure you can justify a $30 bottle opener (or even a $80), I've spent $26 on a hamburger and loved it, but spending more than that? And it's not fancy electronics or a snazzy robot arm doing it for you? Please, don't even think about doing it. [Code-38 via NY Times]

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$400 dollars buys shiny but the design looks to be junk. I spent 2 years as a waiter and bartender in a 4 star Italian restaurant, and have been through every design (liquor reps are anxious to give away anything with their brand name).

The pull-taps corkscrew is the best waiter's corkscrew in the market. The most important part is the double hinged arm - you risk breaking a weak cork if you try to pull all at once sometimes - the double hinge gets out of the way quick. It has a slightly longer worm than normal and is Teflon coated - good for longer Italian corks. Also, the foil cutter is serrated.

This abomination has none of it. At the least, a a double hinged arm and a serrated foil cutter is mandatory.