Sir Jobbes to Launch iPod Telegraph, iPodde Kinetoscope (??)

This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.
This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

We, while being Men of Sound Minds, are often drawn to Flights of Fancy regarding the many Wonders and Potential Marvels of this Age. That said, we wish, if the Reader will abide, to apply reasoning and conjecture to predict the next produce of Sir Stephen Jobbes and Sons, Makers of Fine Mekanikals, of late housed in Cupertino in the Wide Expanse of California.


Much has been said, both in the Rich Halls of Commerce and the low alleys of the junk trade, in regard to the future of the iPodde, a device carried by Many and designed to reproduce Music and like sounds from a mechanical device in a Small and Compact Form. Like the wax cylinder, this device allows a Gentleman, if he is so inclined, to carry with him an entire orchestra or, if his be prurient interests, the sounds of a woman suggesting indecent acts i.e. bundling out of Holy Wedlock or eating a Plum, covered in a Veil of Austrian Chocolate, while reclining on a couch near a Man who is not her Father.

That said, it has come to our attention that Mr. Jobbes and his four sons are producing a New and heretofore unseen device which may consist of any one of many disparate Things including a Telegraph device for sending messages long distances using the Ether that surrounds our planet and acts as a Reproductive Medium or a Kinetoscope, thereby allowing a Stalwart Man to view, in the privacy of his carriage or den, any one of the most popular films including "Man Running," "Horse Running," and "What the Butler Saw or Woman Bending to Bathe is Spied Upon by A Hessian."


These two devices, of which much has thus far been said, may change the manner in which an active Citizen goes about their Business. By allowing a Man, even Churchmen, to view moving pictures on any Mode of Transport, be it Horse or Horse and Carriage or even the Demonic Steam Engine, we cause the downfall of Common Courtesy and Decency, encouraging every Uncouth Urchin to Pine for an iPodde and allow women, whose Modesty and Virtue have thus far been already Besmirched by the "Hot Tea Modulation," which, when applied to the Puzzle "Grand Theft Auto: Derbyshire" will cause and image of the hero and a woman of contended virtue to sit, unchaperoned, in a Cafe where, as rumour has it, they share a Sachertorte.

But, like all Fools who Traffick in Rumour and Potentiality, we as you, Dear Reader, do expect great things from Mr. Jobbes. His skill in Modern Sciences, from the manufacture of Metallic Objects to his Ability to Miniaturize Gears and Levers in order to Capture the Physicks of Small Motion, bring our Humours, already inflamed, to levels of inflammation that are beyond our ken. What will it be, Mr. Jobbes, if we may be so bold as to Address One Such As Yourself Directly. What magick, so long Hidden, will be Revealed?

We await your Courteous Reply by Carrier Pigeon and Hope Against Hope that September the Seventh of this Year promises Momentous News.

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