So you're going into space? Don't laugh, many of you reading this will probably be space tourists, and some of you may even end up living there. Experienced astronauts and space doctors want you to know how to be cool in space, not stepping on anyone's toes (figuratively, of course) while floating around in zero G, where everything is different. These space veterans have some tips for that first space mission you're planning, making life easier for everyone on board:
1. Keep from throwing up all over everyone. Space makes a lot of people sick, even seasoned astronauts, and there are special drugs that have been developed for space sickness. Use them, but don't take too much or you'll have urinary retention, requiring catheterization, which has gotta hurt.
2. Do not look directly into the sun. If you have to remember this, maybe you should consider a different type of vacation, such as spelunking.
3. Clip your fingernails before you go. Those fingernail clippings can float all around the cabin, creating a nuisance for your fellow spacepeople.
Seven more space etiquette tips, after the jump!
4. Don't play with your food. Liquids form a sphere at zero G, and they are tons of fun to play with, so if you must, just use water, and not staining liquids such as grape juice.
5. If you must have space sex, be sure there are no errant droplets or pubic hair specimens floating around afterward, which could prove themselves to be quite embarrassing.
6. Don't hog the windows. Looking out the window is the prime leisure activity on board a spaceship, so be polite, get your ass out of the way and let somebody else gaze at Mother Earth for a while.
7. Clean up the toilet after you've finished. No one wants to be touching, breathing or otherwise contacting any of your bodily excreta. "If you don't take care of your own responsibilities, tension can build up, especially on a long-duration space flight," says former shuttle astronaut Tom Jones.
8. Remember, being in confined quarters for a few days is like being in an elevator. Hold in your farts, and no smoking.
9. If you have really long hair, consider cutting it. It will look like you've stuck your finger in an electrical socket in space, floating all over the place. If you can't cut it, at least tie that shit down.
10. If you don't mind, perhaps you can do a bit of blogging from space for Gizmodo, taking some key gadgets along and letting us know how they work out there, or even inviting us along as your loyal and most entertaining assistants.
Astronauts offer etiquette lessons to space tourists [NewScientistSpace]