True Blood Recap

True Blood’s finale climaxes in a tornado of vampire true death

Last night, True Blood’s fifth season climaxed atop a pyramid of vampire intestinal goo. So many beloved characters met their true deaths, and we’re actually pretty pissed about how some folks were written off. But on the plus side, this episode marked the return of “fun Eric!” Let’s break down the finale, Pro/Con style. Spoilers…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 27

True Blood starts a Fairy War… in Eric’s pants

Finally, a character on True Blood with the chutzpah to come in and explain to all the vampires that they are acting like a pack of assholes. Of course, this character is promptly killed — but for five beautiful minutes, there was logic on the Vampire (Religion Is Bad) Show. But that’s not all that…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 20

True Blood breaks our heart into a pile of gooey vampire pudding

Last night True Blood pried open it’s clenched fists and let the love of our lives fly away and move on to better things. It was hard, but it needed to happen. Because now there is more room in our hearts for Pam and Tara’s infinite collection of matching outfits. Sigh. But let me tell…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 13

What’s in True Blood’s Vampire Jesus Juice?

While most of the Bon Temps vampires are running around high off old-timey vampire blood, the rest of the cast stepped up to deliver. And lots of loose ends were tied up, Praise Lilith! Find out which dangling plotlines may actually have been resolved last night, below. Spoilers ahead… Pro/Con: This happened. My reaction. This…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 6

True Blood’s blood orgy has given us a vampire hangover

What is the vampire version of the hangover cure-all, Pedialyte? Because I will have five rounds and an enema of it. That is how ridiculously bloated and weak I feel after watching the plot binge that was last night’s True Blood. Sure, it was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed it. But today I’m…

io9 Meredith Woerner Jul 30

True Blood gets high and does Vampire Karaoke, but with naked ladies and blood

What the hell was that? No, really — what the heck is going on with True Blood? After half the cast got high and started giving each other piggyback rides, I had to just throw my hands in the air and say “Fuck it!” Put the werewolf in board shorts for some barnyard calisthenics —…

Television Meredith Woerner Jul 23

True Blood does very bad things to our favorite monster

We’ve been waiting for weeks for two very important True Blood characters to go fang-to-fang. And now, they finally have. Too bad the big climax was marred by an iStake. And I’m pretty pissed about it. So take your pants off, and wrap your hands around your neighbor’s face. It’s True Blood Pro/Con time! Spoilers…

io9 Meredith Woerner Jul 16

True Blood serves up crazy in a pair of He-Man Footie Pajamas

Last night’s episode of True Blood felt like a classic. They put Jason in a pair of He-Man jammies and then had his mom ask him if he wanted a blow job. Take that, White Walkers! In other True Blood news, Sookie is infinitely more fun when she’s drunk. But let me break it down…

Television Meredith Woerner Jul 9

Meloni finally gets his hands dirty on True Blood

Between copious shots of sexy Vampire Meloni holding various Apple Products in his mitts, this was a fairly crazy True Blood episode. Things are starting to heat up in Bon Temps, and this week delivered a pantsload of crazy — and some totally deserved bloodshed. Spoilers ahead… Pro: Tara is still trying to tan herself…

Television Meredith Woerner Jul 2

True Blood finally takes off Meloni’s shirt

Last night, True Blood used Vampire Lady Business to get to the bottom of — erm well, Vampire Business. Plus we got a new Nan Flanigan, and apparently the Fairies are back. Sorry, everyone! But please, let me break it down to you Pro/Con style. Spoilers ahead… Pro: Tara looks with her new vampire eyes.…

Television Meredith Woerner Jun 25

True Blood’s got 99 plot lines, and now Rick Santorum’s one?

There are so many emotions to feel about last night’s True Blood. So many emotions. On one hand, there was the formation of supernatural power couple Steve Newlin and Jessica, the return of Russell, baby wolves in PJs and the introduction of the razor jawed savior of man with the eyes of an undead frost…

Television Meredith Woerner Jun 18

True Blood starts the new season off with a bang. Banging siblings, that is!

True Blood is back! And holy hell, we’ve missed this cheesy sex-calamity that makes us cry, makes us laugh… but most of all, makes us cross our legs uncomfortably when we have to watch it with other people in the room. How was the very first episode of the fifth season of True Blood? Infinitely…

io9 Meredith Woerner Jun 11

True Blood’s Season Finale Kills Off All the Right People

Last night, the season finale for the fourth year of True Blood came and went with a wet fart noise. Some of it was good, but most of it was bad. True Blood can do better than this, which is why we’re looking forward to the fifth season. But let me explain it to you…

io9 Meredith Woerner Sep 12

True Blood serves up a steaming pile of True Death

Last night on True Blood, everyone got a little action! Even Andy! The Vampire Squad wrestled the witches with their custom leather fingerless gloves and fired a rocket launcher up their cackling behinds. But let me tell it to you, Pro/Con style: Pro: Aaaaand we pick up exactly right where we left off last week.…

Television Meredith Woerner Sep 5

True Blood lets the leather-jacketed, supernatural war of Louisiana begin!

This week on True Blood, we got our favorite vampire back, FINALLY. But have Sookie’s underbits damaged his brain for good? Possibly, only time will tell! Until then, cue the vampire slo-mo, it’s time for the Pro/Con list. Let’s be honest. This episode existed for one reason and one reason only — as a set…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 29

The True Blood Ménage à Trois You Never Knew You Didn’t Want!

Dreams (almost) came true (for some viewers) last night! We (almost) got to watch Bill and Eric gingerly cross their vampire swords, but Sookie was there and ruined it! Ah well, get ready for a face full of sexy vampire Sax Man and vaseline-smudged lenses — we’re going into Sookie’s brain. It’s Pro/Con time! Pro:…

io9 Meredith Woerner Aug 22

True Blood trips balls on a V-juice hump-hump-fest

Last night on True Blood, Eric and Sookie took us deep into the snow shower of their imagination! You’d think that humping on a bunch of animal hides in the snow with a Viking Vampire would be more exciting. But let me explain it to you, Pro/Con style. This week we picked up right where…

io9 Meredith Woerner Aug 15

True Blood tells you to Go Silver Yourself

Dear vampire God, last night’s True Blood was a whole lotta nothing for a long damn time. There were about 45 minutes of important vampire meetings and then five minutes of vampire screaming into the wind. But let’s break it down pro/con style, shall we? Spoilers ahead… Con: Once again a security guard at King…

io9 Meredith Woerner Aug 8

True Blood is taking care of business…VAMPIRE BUSINESS

Let’s get right on down to vampire business, shall we? Last night’s True Blood had a lot of good…and a lot of bad. I’m specifically talking about the manner in which my 4-year sex fantasy on Eric Northman was crushed with soft woodland cuddling. But let’s break it down, Pro/Con style. Con: Eric tells Sookie…

Television Meredith Woerner Aug 1

On True Blood, some like it HOYT!

Whoa-ho-ho there, True Blood. Last night delivered the sex fantasies out the wazoo. Let’s take a ride on Jason Stackhouse’s pansexual odyssey and visit Eric’s handsome dreams in the wardrobe (a.k.a. Viking Vampire Narnia). We break it down, Pro/Con style. Pro: Last week we thought True Blood was going to press repeat on the whole…

Movies Meredith Woerner Jul 25

True Blood’s finale climaxes in a tornado of vampire true death

True Blood starts a Fairy War… in Eric’s pants

True Blood breaks our heart into a pile of gooey vampire pudding

What’s in True Blood’s Vampire Jesus Juice?

True Blood’s blood orgy has given us a vampire hangover

True Blood gets high and does Vampire Karaoke, but with naked ladies and blood

True Blood does very bad things to our favorite monster

True Blood serves up crazy in a pair of He-Man Footie Pajamas

Meloni finally gets his hands dirty on True Blood

True Blood finally takes off Meloni’s shirt

True Blood’s got 99 plot lines, and now Rick Santorum’s one?

True Blood starts the new season off with a bang. Banging siblings, that is!

True Blood’s Season Finale Kills Off All the Right People

True Blood serves up a steaming pile of True Death

True Blood lets the leather-jacketed, supernatural war of Louisiana begin!

The True Blood Ménage à Trois You Never Knew You Didn’t Want!

True Blood trips balls on a V-juice hump-hump-fest

True Blood tells you to Go Silver Yourself

True Blood is taking care of business…VAMPIRE BUSINESS

On True Blood, some like it HOYT!

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