The Hate-Spreading Economy Is So Hot Right Now

Futurists estimate that by 2019 hate-spreading products will be a $37 gajillion industry. And it's easy to see why! From sending glitter bombs to your enemies to giving exploding boxes of packing peanuts to romantic interests who've left you in the lurch, hate-spreading products are everywhere.


For example, we just got a press release for a new product that you'll no doubt be seeing all over the internet this week. We've redacted the product's name (and blurred their gif) in an attempt to distribute 0.001 percent less hate on the internet. We've done more than our fair share of hate-spreading for the day.

Had a bad Valentine's Day? Need some revenge? [UNFUNNY GARBAGE PRODUCT] is here to help make your message loud and clear!

[GARBAGE BOX] is a new product designed to provide its users with an easy and aggravating way to send heartfelt messages via boxes full of packing peanuts. Yes, just packing peanuts. [GARBAGE PRODUCT] empowers its users to design every aspect of their [GARBAGE] from the propulsion method to the messy contents including confetti, glitter, and even rocks! Unfortunate recipients of the package can plan on spending hours contemplating their misdeeds while cleaning up ungodly messes. What anyone's done to deserve this, we don't know; just hope you aren't on the receiving end!


Back in my day we told someone we hated them the old fashioned way: With a vaguely worded subtweet directed at their new lover.

Gif blurred by Michael Hession

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



Do people actually have enemies? The last time I considered someone my enemy was high school. He bullied me for years, then stole my first real girlfriend. I went to college and got a career; he went to jail for trying to run a cop over with a tractor.

My point is, my revenge was living well, as the saying goes. Sending him a box full of exploding glitter or packing peanuts is petty and dumb.