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The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened on American Horror Story

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This scene was easily the worst thing I ever had to endure while watching American Horror Story. Ever.

Spoilers ahead...

Other than the above scene, not too much happened last night on AHS. But that doesn't mean it was without its delicious charm.


I particularly liked Fiona's Bewitched line: "Every day I look less like Samantha and more like Endora." Which only further solidifies my suspicions that the writers room on this show is less like a writers room and more like the (sadly shuttered) Musical Monday's at New York City's Splash. Just a bunch of happy queens screaming out lines from Mommy Dearest whilst their beloved fruit flies pull at their coat tails and hiss, "God I hope they don't play something from Cats."

I mean absolutely NOTHING happened last night, and yet we got antique cigarette spitting devices, Andy Warhol nods, and giant wigs. It's window dressing, heaps and heaps of lovely, over-the-top, kitsch window dressing. And you know what, IT MAKES THIS SHOW REALLY FUCKING FUN TO WATCH. Seriously, all other shows, this is how you tread water for an episode: in a god damn turban.


So what did happen? Well, the coven gathered together to recreate what can be only described as a Southern Sorority "Let's get that ugly bitch to kill ,herself before we have to take our yearly composite pics" ritual. Slowly Madison and the Wig tricked Fiona into offing herself. But it didn't work. Now she is still alive, and they realize someone else is trying to kill them. Which they probably should have figured out earlier, but these ladies were busy picking out black hats to wear to their fall formal where they burn a bitch down. Priorities, people.

Anyway, now that everyone is resolved to not kill Fiona (I guess) we can focus on the war between Marie Laveau and Cordelia's girls. Also Cordelia's husband is shooting at people next door to complicate the plot some more. One would assume as Cordelia's husband, he would know that he should be shooting at the OTHER house, the one with the witches in there. But instead he decided to shoot up the neighbors house with one witch. An honest mistake. La de dah, Marie Laveau serves the Kathy Bates, and she's still alive on delivery. It's amazing.


And that's not even the super fucked up part — the scene featured in the above video is.

The neighbor, Patti LuPone, is convinced that her son is "unclean." So she gives him a Comet enema. She takes something that looks like kitchen cleaner and forces her son to shove it up his ass. It is horrifying. And they kind of sort of SHOW IT. You see him grab the tube, and pretend to insert it in the tub and then the screaming oh god the screaming. This is hands down the worst thing I've ever had to witness on this show. Not only because it's horrible, but because COME ON. We already knew that LuPone's character was nuts, we didn't need to see her flush her son's ass with poison. That was not needed. And it made my stomach hurt. NO.


And there you have it. The worst thing to ever happen on AHS, ever.