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This is what making a Conan the Barbarian adult film looks like

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When the folks at Hustler Video asked us if we wanted to see exclusive photos from their new swords-and-skins-and-sandals flick This Ain’t Conan The Barbarian XXX 3D, we said, “Sure!” Then they sent us a photo of star Lee Stone fanning himself in front of a green screen.

And we we were all like, “Man, the industry’s become way more experimental as of late. It looks like today’s modern consumer is titillated by symbolism. Is society the fan? Or the green screen?”

Just kidding! They also gave us images of actress Jazy Berlin as Valeria, wearing armor that is definitely not able to absorb a blow from a broadsword. All of these images are extremely NSFW: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Also, here’s the nudity-free preview, which promises a recreation of the disturbing Thulsa Doom orgy sequence. Is someone going to make the requisite trouser snake gag? I’ll do it if no one volunteers.

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