TSA Agents Confiscate Huge Teddy Bear, Give Him Detailed Backstory About How He's Homeless and Hungry Now in Order to Remind Us That Everything Is Bad

The bear confiscated by TSA at Los Angeles International Airport for being too big (Instagram)
The bear confiscated by TSA at Los Angeles International Airport for being too big (Instagram)

Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents in Los Angeles just confiscated a gigantic teddy bear and posted a photo of the poor guy on Instagram. And if that wasn’t enough, they gave him a depressing backstory. The TSA’s social media accounts really are a fantastic way to keep up to date on how the agency is ruining Christmas this holiday season.

According to the TSA, this enormous teddy bear is going to be wandering the streets of Los Angeles after being “abandoned” by his owners. And if that wasn’t enough, they hint that the bear is now hungry. As someone who has lived in LA for a few years, I can say that the TSA really came up with the most depressing possible story for this “wayward bear.”

From the TSA Instagram feed:

Why does this gigantic teddy bear look so sad? He was abandoned by his owners at LAX after the airline and TSA determined that he was just too big to be screened as a carry-on and taken on the plane. It’s a good idea to check with your airline prior to traveling with overly large items as cary-ons. [sic] If you see this wayward bear strolling the streets of LA, please feel free to feed him. #TSATravelTips


Granted, the teddy bear does look too big for the overhead bin. But c’mon. The TSA had the opportunity to at least give us a happy ending. They could’ve said that the bear was going to a farm upstate where it would live out its life chasing bees and eating honey or whatever the hell bears really do (my only real knowledge of bears comes from Winnie the Pooh).

But no, the TSA has decided that the bear, which was probably loved dearly by whoever had to give him up at the hands of the grope-tastic agency, is going to live out the rest of his life in bear poverty.

Stay tuned to the TSA’s social media accounts for more depressing stories to wrap up 2016. Maybe the TSA will confiscate a box of chocolate and give it a name and an overly detailed backstory before telling us all about how the box of chocolate now lives on the streets as a junkie and its box of chocolate mom just weeps every night worrying about her poor box of chocolate baby.

Merry Christmas to you too, TSA.

Update, 12:20pm: The TSA sent Gizmodo an email to make sure we knew that the (adult) owner of the bear wasn’t allowed to bring it one because both TSA and the airline determined, “it was too big to fit through the xray and be screened properly.” There are rumors that the owner tried to buy a seat for the bear, but those haven’t been confirmed.


Matt Novak is the editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog

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Carry-on! Fuckin’ carry-on! C’mon. Really? Carry-on? Somehow he got past the place where they check to see if something is too big to be a carry-on, (“excuse me, please, we’re important”) and he got as far as TSA? There, the brough-ha-ha about the bear and not fitting in the scanner would tie up at least one TSA line and possibly more, plus a supervisor or two, while the over-privileged parents argue with everyone in sight, and meanwhile people are standing around in stocking feet just wanting to get on the goddam plane. “Can’t you see how very special we are? Have a heart.” Was he supposed to go under the seat in front of them, or in the overhead bin?

Holiday travel is such a treat anyway, with every seat sold and people thinking they are the only ones carrying gifts. These people should have been chained to the bear and left by the garbage can. Happy holidays, all.