Gizmodo
Long Island is a dangerous place, filled with bad accents and crazy people wandering around, like Verizon technicians. Eric Stetz knows mere deadbolts won't keep them out. No, you've gotta get medieval, Conan the Barbarian style. So he built a booby trap out of a massive knife, crutch and elastic trip-cord to poke intruders in the head. To death. Like the Verizon guy scheduled to visit his apartment.
Luckily for Mr. Verizon, the building's super dropped by to make sure everything was cool, and managed to avoid being chop sueyed with his ninja super skills as the knife snapped at him like cobra when he opened the door. When arrested, Eric asked the cops "Did anyone get hurt with my knives? I wish they did." Since they didn't, the court thought it was cool to release this dude on bail. I love this country. [Newsday via Gothamist]
Comments
What you fail to mention is how long the Verizon man asked him to wait...
If he said "from 10am to 6pm", then obviously this guy can't wait around all day to kill him. Do you really expect me to be sitting around my house for 8 hours? Of course not, I'm going to set a booby trap.
Attempted murder charges are akin to saying "try again and get it right next time".
That looks like the inside of a project building, sort of like mine, and after someone robbed my apartment a while back, sometimes I wish I had a booby trap, of course the non-lethal but kick-yer-ass-out effective.
Anyway, what the hell would've prevented this guy from getting killed by his own creation?
@Kaiser-Machead: Do you think he actually considered that?
Who was squatting, the Predator?
Kinda makes you ask where the person he swiped the crutch from is...
Imagine showing up at the pearly gates with a knife taped to a crutch hanging off of your head...
WOW, a butcher's knife taped to a crutch. he get's an A for originality but an F for execution. So far since he's still out of prison, he's batting .000 with that thing!
I trap boobies with my own two hands.
Sometimes that pesky 8th amendment to the Constitution does become troublesome.
"To poke intruders in the head. To death."
Way to take the non threatening and then sex it up. Very well done.
@jigsawfallingintoplace: thank you soo much, i've been filing documents all day and your one comment gave me the jolt i needed. haaahaaaa aaaaahhhhhh get me out of this office!!!
I didnt know long islanders have bad accents, I guess I never thought about it
@Killjoy:
Imagine thinking you're going to heaven your whole life, and then when you die nothing happens?
In Texas, we just shoot the "intruder" and then claim "castle doctrine." No need to bloody those nice Michael Graves steak knives you bought from Target.
@Kaiser-Machead: This is probably from the police station, where they took the evidence photos.
The Super's Kung Foo was strong.
@feckineejit: Oh, I never stated any personal belief in the aforementioned pearly gates. It was just a convenient shorthand setup.
"Imagine nothing happening in a timeless void rendered inconceivable by the total absence of sensory data with a knife taped to a crutch hanging off of your head..."
See? Something gets lost there.
Verizon should have had Admiral Ackbar check the place out.
This guy is sharp, i hope Verizon got the point. I like how the court cut him loose, no need for him to go to the chopping block. Stab.
@Killjoy: Ya know, I think I like that one better.
Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?
@robbywil: damn you for making me laugh at that
Whatever happened to the ol' Boxing Glove on a Giant Spring gag? The classics never go out of style.
@nutbastard:
that's really cutting-edge stuff, homeslice.
Deadly force is illegal in NY State when the homeowner is not inside the house or on the premises, and when there is no immediate threat to the homeowner or other lives on the premises. In order for a person to claim self-defense, said person must be under the immediate apprehension of lethal attack.
Lol, although.. I can't help but think that the Verizon guy looked exactly like the dude in the Verizon commercial: "Have you heard about the fiber?! VeriZON's KIND of Fiber!!!"
@nutbastard: Like you don't have enough knife references....
Only the penitent man shall pass...
@Geisrud: 8th amendment to the Constitution...umm...the right to bear bungee-powered knife-impaling crutches?
@kryllen: Awesome!
Stabby McStabber here.
I approve.
I hope no one blames this on video games...but I do blame Saw 4, what a shitty movie - just like this guys attempt at a booby trap.
@nutbastard:
@DeCerbo: with this guy there's never a dull moment
Pretty soon someone will build a bigger crutch with a bigger knife in it. Then, someone will build an even bigger crutch with an even bigger knife until, one day, they will build a crutch with a knife SO big that it will detroy.. them... alll.
Unquestionably Goonies-worthy.
Definitely Goonies-worthy.
I was wondering what project I was going to work on this weekend.
whadaya mean bad accents?!?
This crutch think has me thinking.
It has never been ok to run with a knife in your hand (outside of Braveheart).
Apparently now it's not ok to hobble with a knife on crutches?
Next we won't be allowed to crawl......
DAMN THE MAN FOR ALL HIS OPPRESSIVE RULES!!!!
coming next week to 'think geek', the limpy stab-o-matic home security device (lsomhsd), for all those threat level 'magenta' days.
@Acemonster: IIRC, that's actually a Time-Warner commercial, where the homeowner replies that TW has had fiber for years ...
Except it's not fiber to the door like FiOS -.- Aren't ads great?
This device requires a boombox playing the Star Trek Gladiator/Klingon them at full volume.
This is why supers are supposed to notify tenants 24 hours in advance before entering the apt. (unless there is an emergency like a flood or something) I don't think that verizon service qualifies. They deserve what they get.
@nutbastard: @DeCerbo: @BigViper: You guys are just a bunch of cut-ups.
@Acemonster: Actually deadly force is illegal in every state when the owners not there.
I pranked him. To DEATH. With a TIRE IRON!
Is this the cue for Internet Justice?
@DeCerbo: @BigViper
Could you guys cut it out already!
@nutbastard:
You had me in stitches.
heh, bay shore. fuckin figures. on my neck of long island, the guy would have just offered the verizon tech 2 grams of shitty weed or punched him in the face.
@rimplestultskin: wadda ya mean... "or"? should be an "and"
They'll get my crutch when they pry it out from under my cold, dead slightly dank underarm.
They'll get my crutch when they pry it out from under my cold, dead slightly dank armpit.
I hope the super reloaded the guy's trap after springing it. Wouldn't want the homeowner to come home and be disappointed, would we?
Wow, I love the way we get ideas for such wonderful toys
He stabs because he loves, sometimes he just loves too much.
My neighbor was burglarized while I and his other neighbor where home. The next day I caught 2 teen boys entering my back yard gate, called 911 ... Anyhow, that's another story..(LAPD let them go!) While they were handling my problem, they noticed the neighbor (not the one who was robbed.. the one who was at home during) had put barbed wire around the fence around their back yard. The police made them remove it, telling them it was illigal since an officer could get injured while chasing a suspect into their yard. They told us both you could not use it on redsidential property in the city!?!? If it were up, they would not have to chase them into our yards!
I'm going to get to work on a giant pepper-spray device.
mmm...or pick up a bottle of skunk essence
well, you can't just put up tanglefoot or barbed wire obstacles around your house. It is a safety hazard.
@Manok: You know, you're so right. The device in this photo is sooo much safer, I mean helloooo! it's got duct tape!
@Manok: well, you can't just put up tanglefoot or barbed wire obstacles around your house. It is a safety hazard.
Yet my other neighbor is allowed to put up 144 pink flamingos and lawn gnomes! Talk about a safety hazard..
@metaled: has that neighbour ever been robbed?
So he could afford bail.. But not to make a better trap? Pfttttt.
Jesus, I dated a guy in college who had a habit of rigging his front door with military surplus flashbombs whenever he went out of town. And where was he from? DOWNSTATE NEW YORK. (not the guy in the OP, tho)