Nothing says masculinity like a DS, never mind the bejeweled craziness.

Nuke it from orbit?

a very expensive rocket trip to the sun

I'd put about 3 more milligrams of crap on it, reaching critical crap-mass, and watch it explode, taking out an entire subdivision and send a cloud of glitter around the world. That would be horrible. Do you know how impossible it is to get glitter off you once it's on?

Sneak into Nintento HQ Sam Fisher style and take out all the Nintendo-Execs. At that point I'd take command of the leaderless company and start producing as many different flavors of peanuts as I could. This would not only kill the DS, but ensure death to any other past, present, or futre DS-lookalikes.

I'd give it to my 8 year old brother. I'm amazed at the sadistic imagination for destruction he possesses. For all I know he might train the ducks at the local pond to appreciate the taste of synthetic jewels and then throw it in the pond....

fire. just like zombies, if you don't have something quick, simple, and accessible to destroy it with, it'll multiply and you will soon be overwhelmed.

Looking at its size and shape, it would make a perfect shim to wedge under one corner of my apartment building's uneven foundation and level it off. Maybe at last I could get through an entire night's sleep without rolling off the left side of the bed.

@The Sword Master: I like your answer better than mine!

A car battery, popsicle sticks, A copy of the movie Battlefield Earth, and a large vat of lime flavored jello.

@The Sword Master: "Do you know how impossible it is to get glitter off you once it's on?"

All too well, my dear, all too well.

Oops, wait a minute, TMI.

Rods of God...

@Rabid Penguin: Classy, I like that.

I'd find a way to wear it, just to irritate the shit out of people.

Burn it with Fire!

@whiteknight: I would hand it to my six year old daughter. She would think it is beautiful and love me forever for giving it to her, but I also know she would destroy it within a week.

I'd give it to my kids...

I'll make it have a bigger screen and let it play UMDs and call it a PSP!

I don't get it, why do you want to kill it?

@MagnoliaBoy: Now that I think about it, they'd probably actually play with it for about a month, than trade it for porn/drugs/candy.

Drill a hole in it, shove a coat hanger through it, and skewer it to death on a rotisserie'

Faslane

@Evangelion: Hahahaha, brilliant.

Using mainly popsicle sticks and silly putty, I would construct a very large trebuchet in the company's city of origin and launch it at the moon. The magnitude of the gaudiness of the DS leaving Earth's orbit would hopefully result in the destruction of the trebuchet and the city surrounding it... and hopefully St. Louis... I hate that place...

It is said that somewhere in a very isolated, otherwise uninhabited part of Peru, there exists a small settlement of very inconspicuous people. These native inhabitants of the land are actually highly skilled in the arts of Takingthingsapartintheblinkofaneye-do and Crushingtheirenemiesintomicroscopicallyfinedust-do. No outsider has ever been allowed to study their ancient and terrible techniques, and those who have persisted in their queries have, without exception, met with rather unpleasant ends.
It is also said that these martially nigh invincible men and women can be hired, at an astronomical cost, to carry out certain assignments. This abomination before the eyes of The Mario Bros. is an assignment worthy of their skills.

A pair of tweezers and a small screwdriver. Make it suffer.

@Rabid Penguin: I think I must be missing a pop cultural reference here?
* hangs head in shame *
Either that or, based on your incredibly precise knowledge, you've been spying on virtually every one of my family's holiday gatherings. (But you did miss one detail: that my aunt insists on putting horseradish sauce into the lime Jello.) (I wish I was kidding.)

@Hvedhrungr: Excuse me, allow me to interject---if I may...

I actually have a PHD in both of those areas!

I'd hit people with it.

You can't destroy evil

@secretmanofagent: I'd hit Zidane with it ;)

I'd send it to the "will it blend" guy... He should get enough karma from destroying that to make up for all the cool gear he's shredded, or will ever shred.

How would you kill this Nintendo DS?

With kindness.

Stick it down Chen's pants.

I would play the Hannah Montana DS game on it...

this should take care of it.

actually quite shocked no one has proposed the timeless question of if this will or will not blend.

@ryanchild292: That's what I get for leaving my window open for 7 minutes before sending my response.

I work as a chemist is a lab. I would use the strongest acid we have to dissolve that POS. Then, I would stick it with my carcinogenic, inorganic waste, so noboby would every try to get their grubby hands on something that will probably give them cancer.

I would take it to the airport and claim it was a bomb, and then the TSA would take it and the bomb squad would blow it up for me. Plus, i'd get a free vacation to Cuba for being so clever.

Gay DS + gasoline + gunpowder + match + YouTube = :D

I'd probably just take all the jewels off, sand it down, re-paint it, sell it for a hundred bucks and spend the money on a couple hours worth of coke and strippers.

@Daniel_Voegelin: you would be surprised and disapointed at how much hookers and coke you'd get for a hundred clams.

I'd use it to beat it's creator to death, thus killing two birds with one stone, er, many... jewels.

I take my last comment back, I think I'd just write 'Informix' on it and see if that won't destroy them both at the same time.

OK, ok, I will take care of it for you, but first I need you to get me, one roll of duct tape, one raw chicken, an anvil, six paper clips, a 1"X1" swatch of rayon, a bird feeder, and a Valium. The Valium is for me, no man should have to live with what I am going to do to this thing!!

Bwahahahahaha

As humans we destroy that which we do not understand. Instead I would harness it's horrible power to take over the cosmos and strike a mixture of awkwardness and fear into all that oppose me.

@Absent Blue:
I am feeling a bit awkward.
Either it's because your plan is working, or because I put that DS in my pocket and it touched me in my cash and prizes.

It told me not to worry... this is what friends do... but I don't wanna be it's friend :c(

Slap that thing in an xbox 360 return box and send it to microsoft. We'll never see it again.

@willyolio: lighing zombies on fire = flaming zombies that still aren't dead... you gotta aim for teh HEAD bro, its the only way to stop those buggerz

As for how I'd kill it... how bout this: I'd use it as a host to summon some horrible demonic entity that I would then command to destroy the makers of this atrocious mutilation of technology.

First, I'd drink a beer. A snobby richy rich beer like a Heinekin. Second, I would slowly and carefully remove every sparkly little jewel, being careful not to lose any. Third, I would drink another beer, but a low-brow beer. Like Milwaukee's Beast. Fourth I would use a hacksaw and begin to cut it into tiny bite-size little pieces. Then, I'd drink another beer. This time, a Guiness. I'd alternate switching between the three beers during the entire cutting up process. After cutting, I'd eat some Buffalo Wild Wings with molten hot sauce. And Parmesean Garlic. Yum. then I would eat every sparkly jewel and every cut up piece of the DS. Next, I'd eat some more wings, this time with mild sauce. And wash it down with more Guiness and Heinekin and Milwaukee's Beast. More yum. Then we wait. Until about 3 o'clock in the morning when the shits kick in. Then I run outside naked and expell said sparkly DS all over my neighbor's yard. The one that has the yappy little lap dog that won't shut the hell up. That's how I'D destroy it anyway.

I would start www.alliwantforxmasisafukinDS.com

Industrial Press

Don't kill the creation, only the creator... Like Man did to God oh so long ago. (bows, exits backwards, thank you!)